Fearing for their children’s futures, parents search for universal parenting techniques that will put their kids on the route to a prosperous job and a happy life. But times are changing, and the old principles of success are no longer relevant. Sometimes, parents’ actions, intended to be helpful, can actually create challenges for their children’s future.
1. Not allowing their kid to fail
Perfectionist parent often strives for perfection themselves, leading them to expect increasing levels of perfection from their child as they grow older — from the child’s artwork never being good enough to their bed not being made perfectly or not studying hard enough. The child faces constant criticism and reprimands but is never allowed to learn from their mistakes. Children of perfectionist parents may grow up to be perfectionists themselves or develop low self-esteem and lack confidence. Both outcomes can negatively impact their future careers.
- Anna’s mother always compared her to Mary, saying, “Look how tidy Mary is compared to you, Anna!” Despite Anna’s efforts to emulate Mary, she never measured up, and her mother’s criticism only intensified. Anna’s mother never allowed her the chance to improve her habits and learn basic skills. Now at 25 years old, Anna still compares herself to others and always comes up short in her own eyes. Needless to say, this constant comparison has taken a toll on her self-esteem.
2. Paying a child for good grades
This topic remains a subject of debate, but consider this perspective: imagine yourself as a contractor continually paying more for a product or service, with the child as the supplier providing it in exchange for money or rewards. It doesn’t sound like a good idea, does it?
- Alexandra’s parents sought to motivate their daughter to excel in her studies by offering money as an incentive. Initially, Alexandra’s grades improved, suggesting the approach was effective. However, her parents later discovered that she had been fabricating stories about an imaginary illness and sharing them with her teachers. She even falsely claimed that her parents constantly criticized her for poor grades. The sympathetic teacher then raised Alexandra’s grades out of pity. Following this incident, Alexandra’s parents discontinued the practice of paying for grades and sought guidance from a child psychologist.
3. Preventing their child from expressing their feelings
Sometimes, adults dismiss a child’s feelings as wrong — insisting that bruises don’t hurt, feeling anger toward a child who hit them is shameful, or being sad even with a valid reason is incorrect. Parents often do this with good intentions, wanting to teach their children proper behavior. However, it’s crucial to recognize that a fundamental skill for modern individuals is the ability to acknowledge and manage their feelings, emotions, and needs.
- Kate, now 37, vividly remembers how her mother forced her to give away her beloved doll to another girl, admonishing her for being “greedy” and scolding her for getting upset over a “stupid toy.” Kate never got her doll back. Over the years, she has worked hard to assert herself, learning to say “no” to demanding people, including her boss and coworkers. Despite this, Kate often feels guilty whenever she refuses to comply with their requests.
4. Failing to support their child in front of strangers
Every child needs the assurance that their parents will stand up for them in any conflict, regardless of the situation, and won’t blindly trust the words of authority figures like teachers, principals, or neighbors. When parents allow their children to speak up for themselves when they are ready to take responsibility for their actions, it helps them develop healthy self-esteem and a sense of personal accountability.
- Maggy was raised by her grandmother, who often said, “But what will other people think?” Although her grandmother loved Maggy and wanted the best for her, she constantly emphasized the importance of public opinion. As a result, Maggy struggles to make her own decisions and even relies on her friends’ opinions when choosing something as simple as dessert.
5. Drawing inspiration and comparing to successful people
Each generation has its own set of heroes whom young people aspire to emulate. In recent decades, the tales of personal success from wealthy and influential individuals have become widespread. However, it’s not as simple as learning their life story and achieving happiness. If it were that easy, everyone who reads their books would have solved all their financial problems by now.
- Alex developed a passion for computers from a young age. Inspired by the story of Steve Jobs that his dad shared with him, Alex immersed himself in learning everything about Apple. When it came time to choose a university, Alex initially believed he didn’t need higher education because Steve Jobs succeeded without it. Eventually, Alex realized the importance of education for his path and pursued college to advance his career. Now, Alex jokes, “What worked for Steve Jobs is just a waste of time for an ordinary guy like me.”
6. Pressuring their child to decide on their future career
The notion that a person should stick to one career for their entire life is likely outdated and impractical. Many modern occupations didn’t exist a decade ago, while others have already become obsolete.
- Since childhood, Max had a passion for exploring computers and understanding various software programs. Despite his parents’ concerns, he pursued this interest and eventually discovered online courses in software testing. Now, he is thriving in this field, leveraging his potential and skills.
- Laura, at 37, worked as a sociologist for a major consulting firm but found it challenging to maintain her career after having her son. During maternity leave, she rediscovered her love for photography. Starting with unique photos of her child, Laura progressed to offering photoshoots for friends’ and acquaintances’ kids. Over time, she opened her photo studio. Laura now earns as much as her husband and successfully manages her professional life while caring for her family. This shift exemplifies the evolving nature of careers and the importance of embracing new opportunities.
7. Arguing about money
Since children may absorb long-lasting messages from these circumstances, it’s crucial to avoid arguing about money or other matters in front of them. Instead of one-on-one conflicts, which can cause youngsters to take sides and become distressed, talks should be led in a way that promotes involvement.
- Chris grew up witnessing his parents argue about money. When he went to college at 17 and moved away, he struggled with managing his finances and spending on unnecessary items. He now fears starting relationships, believing that money is the root cause of his sadness.
8. Prohibiting the child from using social networks
Social networks have become today’s equivalent of the yards and neighborhoods where we used to play as children. Kids can learn valuable skills through computer programs integrated with social media platforms. While parents should remind their kids about online safety rules, depriving children of this experience can be harsh.
- Aria’s mother was surprised to discover that her 10-year-old daughter had learned to create cool videos. Even more surprising was the realization that Aria had learned this skill from using TikTok. Now, creating short videos has become a family hobby for them.
9. Teaching the kid that they have the stuff at home
Many of us recall times when we asked our parents to buy us things, only to hear, “We already have that at home; we don’t need it.” Some parents repeatedly expose their children to such situations, unintentionally discouraging them from getting what they truly need. This pattern can significantly impact their financial habits as adults. On the other hand, constantly satisfying a child’s every need can also have negative effects.
- Jan’s mother often tells him they have things at home and they don’t buy them from the store. Jan has learned to overlook his needs, and with each subsequent request, he withdraws more, knowing not to ask. When Jan grows up and earns his income, money will go towards trivial things because that’s how he’s learned to live.
10. Preventing children from getting into conflicts
The ability to engage with others is perhaps one of the most crucial professional skills one can possess. It’s important not only to help children make friends but also to teach them how to engage in healthy arguments. People often hold differing opinions, and there are various ways to express emotions. The sooner children grasp this concept, the easier their interactions with others will be, including in professional settings.
- Michaela spent her life avoiding conflicts, preferring to agree with others rather than engage in disputes. She believed that someone always had to be the “smarter” one, but this approach proved more harmful than beneficial. One day, Michaela learned about active listening and decided to apply this approach in her professional life. She excelled at paying attention to others’ perspectives while also expressing her feelings when others attempted to take advantage of her. Initially, people found her communication style unconventional, but conflicts with coworkers became more constructive, leading to mutually beneficial resolutions.
11. Helping their child learn to save money
The world is always changing, and old ways of making or saving money might not work anymore. We can’t predict what skills will be valuable in the future economy. That’s why it’s important to teach kids to be flexible and ready for change, not just to save money.
- Emily’s grandfather saved money his whole life “just in case.” But when that “case” finally happened, a financial meltdown made all his investments lose value. Emily saw this while growing up, and now she’s worried the economy could collapse at any time. She believes the best investment is in her skills and knowledge.
12. Trying to build a strong character with the help of sports
While there’s a widespread belief that sports are beneficial for discipline and character development, excessive competitiveness in professional sports can be detrimental to a child’s physical and mental health. This competitiveness can be fueled by both fellow young athletes and coaches. Only a few individuals become champions, and coaches often prioritize these select few, neglecting the rest of the team. Coping with this unfair treatment at a young age can lead to low self-esteem and confusion about alternative life paths if a child must stop playing sports.
- Tom’s mother pursued rhythmic gymnastics as a child but had to abandon her Olympic dreams due to a leg injury. When Tom was three, his mother enrolled him in gymnastics classes, hoping he would excel. However, Tom struggled in this sport, leading him to lose interest in school, feel like a failure, and struggle to identify his strengths. Now, Tom is studying to become a child psychologist to help parents navigate the challenges of raising children without making the same mistakes.
Being protective of your children is natural, but it’s important to set boundaries. Respecting their privacy is crucial for a healthy parent-child relationship and their personal development. Violating their privacy can have serious negative effects, especially on their mental health.
Entitled Neighbor Buried My Pond – I Showed Him Why You Don’t Cross an Older Woman
Brian, Margaret’s conceited neighbor, had no clue the intense, deliberate reaction he would inspire when he filled in her cherished pond while she was gone. Margaret, an elderly woman who appeared to be lonely, came up with a scheme that completely changed Brian’s life. Let me tell you, having seen my fair share of drama, at seventy-four years old. However, nothing could have equipped me for the chaos that broke out in my own backyard.
I’m Margaret, and I’ve spent the last 20 years residing in this quaint little home. It’s been my little piece of paradise, where I’ve seen my three children grow up and now greet my seven grandchildren for weekend cookouts and summer splashes. There is always someone stopping by, bringing love and laughter into the space. The jewel in the crown of my estate? A lovely pond that my beloved grandfather excavated by himself. It has always served as the focal point of our family get-togethers. The grandchildren enjoy playing in it, and to be honest, there are moments when I feel like they care more about the pond than they do about me! Before roughly five years ago, when Brian moved in next door, everything was fine and dandy. That man had a bee in his bonnet about my pond from the very beginning. He would call out across the fence, “Margaret!” I can’t stop staring at those frogs all night! Is there nothing you can do about them? “Oh, Brian, they’re just singing you a lullaby,” I would merely answer with a smile. Without charge!” He, however, was not having it. “And the biting insects! They are proliferating in your pond like crazy! I would respond, “Now, Brian, I keep that pond cleaner than a whistle.” The source of the mosquitoes is most likely the pile of debris in your backyard. He would puff and sputter, but I would get on with my day. I was mistaken to think he would ultimately get used to it. I made the decision to go see my sister who lives in the next state over one day. I was excited for a few days of gin rummy and gossip. I had no idea that when I returned, I would see something that would chill me to the bone.
Upon entering my driveway, I became aware of an irregularity. There was no longer the typical shimmer of water to greet me. It was replaced by… dirt. I heaved myself out of the car, my heart sinking to my toes.Sweet old Mrs. Johnson, my neighbor across the street, hurried over. “Ah, Margaret! I’m so happy you’re back. They claimed to be following directions when I sought to stop them. “Who should stop? What directives?” I was lost in thought, gazing at the muddy area that once held my cherished pond. “Yesterday, a crew stopped by. According to Mrs. Johnson, “some company hired them to empty and refill the pond.” “They had all the paperwork, but I told them you weren’t at home!” I had been taken completely by surprise. In a day, twenty years’ worth of memories vanished. And I knew just who was responsible. I whispered, squeezing my fists, “Brian.” “How are you going to proceed?” With concern imprinted on her features, Mrs. Johnson inquired. I positioned my shoulders squarely. “Well, I’ll let you know what I plan to do. Does that man believe he can bully a kind elderly woman? He’s going to discover the hard way why you never cross a woman like Margaret! I started by giving my relatives a call. Lisa, my daughter, was furious. “Mom, this is not right! We must dial the police number! I said, “Hold your horses, sweetie.””First, we need proof.” Jessie, my granddaughter, spoke forward at that point. “Grandmother! Do you recall the bird camera we installed in the oak tree? Perhaps something got caught in it! As luck would have it, that tiny camera ended up being our covert tool. After watching the video, we could clearly see Brian leading a team to fill up my pond. He appeared to be a young child who had just avoided getting caught stealing cookies from the jar. “You got it,” I said, a smile forming on my face. Brian appeared to assume that since I’m elderly and live alone, I’d just accept it. He had no idea that I was hiding a few tricks from him. My initial action was to give the local environmental department a call. “Hi,” I said in a kind voice. “I want to report that a protected habitat has been destroyed.” Confusion was audible from the individual on the other end. “Habitat protected, ma’am?” “Oh yeah,” I answered. You see, there was a rare species of fish living in my pond. Years ago, I registered it with your organization. And without authorization, someone simply filled it in.When it comes to endangered animals, those agency people don’t play around, I can assure you. After a few days, they were at Brian’s door demanding an eye-watering fine. “We represent the Environmental Protection Agency, sir,” one of the representatives stated. “The illegal destruction of a protected habitat on your neighbor’s property is the reason we are here.” Brian’s expression turned pallid. How come? habitat that is protected? It was merely a pond. “Mr. Thompson, a pond that was home to a rare species of fish that was registered.” We have proof that you destroyed it without the required authority.”This is absurd!” Brian’s voice rose as he sputtered. “That elderly woman’s pond was a bother! I was being helpful to the neighborhood!That “favor,” sir, carries a $50,000 penalties for breaking environmental protection regulations. Brian was in complete shock. “Fifty thou—You have to be kidding! It’s all a miscommunication. The pond was that. I overheard their chat in private and had to smile. I wasn’t finished, though. With all due respect, my grandson Ethan is a highly successful lawyer in the city. I rang him. “Ethan, sweetie,” I spoke. “How about helping your grandmother take a stern look at a bully in the neighborhood?” Ethan was only too glad to assist. Brian was issued with papers for mental distress and property damage before he could pronounce “frivolous lawsuit.” I could have stopped there, but I needed to play one more card.
Karen, Brian’s wife, had always seemed like a good person. I decided it was time for a quick conversation after seeing her get home from work one evening. “Evening, Karen,” I murmured. “A moment, please?” Despite her fatigue, she managed a smile. Naturally, Margaret. What are your thoughts?I told her the truth about the pond and invited her over for a cup of tea. I told her about the fish and frogs, the kids learning to swim in it, my grandfather digging it, and the summer nights spent by it. As I spoke, Karen’s expression changed from bewildered to horrified. “Margaret, I didn’t know,” she exclaimed. “Brian informed me that the pond was filled per the city’s order for security.” “All right,” I patted her hand. “You understand the truth now.” The days that followed were peaceful. When Brian’s automobile vanished, the rumors in the neighborhood spread like wildfire. Word got out that after finding out what Brian had done, Karen had asked him to leave. Then, one morning, I heard equipment rumbling when I woke up. I almost lost my balance when I glanced out my window. My yard was being worked by a crew, and they were digging! Running outside, I saw Karen in charge of everything. She grinned at the sight of me. “Good morning, Margaret. If it’s okay with you, I felt that it was time to make things right. It came out that Karen had contracted with workers to fix my pond. She confided in me while we observed them at work. She murmured, “Brian’s been involved in some shady business dealings.” “He was simply lashing out at his own problems, which is what led to the whole pond thing.”Nevertheless, the environmental office dismissed its allegations after the pond was repaired. Ethan also persuaded me to drop the lawsuit in the interim. That boy has a gift for language. Brian, on the other hand, with his tail between his legs, skulked off to another state. Karen, however, started to visit frequently. She even began assisting me with pond maintenance, claiming it was the least she could do. Karen turned to face me and a twinkle appeared in her eye as we sat by the recently rebuilt pond one evening, watching the sunset reflected off the water. “You know, Margaret, I’m glad Brian messed with your pond. I never thought I’d say this.” I arched an eyebrow. Oh, I see. And why is it the case? She grinned. “Because I might not have realized what a wonderful neighbor I had right next door if he hadn’t.” We chuckled and clinked our glasses of iced tea. Who would have guessed that a small pond could be both so troublesome and beneficial? Thus, here I am, seventy-four years old, with a pond that has been restored, a new buddy, and a tale that will be discussed for years to come at family get-togethers. Indeed, life has a way of taking you by surprise. If there’s one thing to take away from all of this, believe me when I say this: you should never undervalue a resentful grandmother and a capable family lawyer!
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