Fearing for their children’s futures, parents search for universal parenting techniques that will put their kids on the route to a prosperous job and a happy life. But times are changing, and the old principles of success are no longer relevant. Sometimes, parents’ actions, intended to be helpful, can actually create challenges for their children’s future.
1. Not allowing their kid to fail
Perfectionist parent often strives for perfection themselves, leading them to expect increasing levels of perfection from their child as they grow older — from the child’s artwork never being good enough to their bed not being made perfectly or not studying hard enough. The child faces constant criticism and reprimands but is never allowed to learn from their mistakes. Children of perfectionist parents may grow up to be perfectionists themselves or develop low self-esteem and lack confidence. Both outcomes can negatively impact their future careers.
- Anna’s mother always compared her to Mary, saying, “Look how tidy Mary is compared to you, Anna!” Despite Anna’s efforts to emulate Mary, she never measured up, and her mother’s criticism only intensified. Anna’s mother never allowed her the chance to improve her habits and learn basic skills. Now at 25 years old, Anna still compares herself to others and always comes up short in her own eyes. Needless to say, this constant comparison has taken a toll on her self-esteem.
2. Paying a child for good grades
This topic remains a subject of debate, but consider this perspective: imagine yourself as a contractor continually paying more for a product or service, with the child as the supplier providing it in exchange for money or rewards. It doesn’t sound like a good idea, does it?
- Alexandra’s parents sought to motivate their daughter to excel in her studies by offering money as an incentive. Initially, Alexandra’s grades improved, suggesting the approach was effective. However, her parents later discovered that she had been fabricating stories about an imaginary illness and sharing them with her teachers. She even falsely claimed that her parents constantly criticized her for poor grades. The sympathetic teacher then raised Alexandra’s grades out of pity. Following this incident, Alexandra’s parents discontinued the practice of paying for grades and sought guidance from a child psychologist.
3. Preventing their child from expressing their feelings
Sometimes, adults dismiss a child’s feelings as wrong — insisting that bruises don’t hurt, feeling anger toward a child who hit them is shameful, or being sad even with a valid reason is incorrect. Parents often do this with good intentions, wanting to teach their children proper behavior. However, it’s crucial to recognize that a fundamental skill for modern individuals is the ability to acknowledge and manage their feelings, emotions, and needs.
- Kate, now 37, vividly remembers how her mother forced her to give away her beloved doll to another girl, admonishing her for being “greedy” and scolding her for getting upset over a “stupid toy.” Kate never got her doll back. Over the years, she has worked hard to assert herself, learning to say “no” to demanding people, including her boss and coworkers. Despite this, Kate often feels guilty whenever she refuses to comply with their requests.
4. Failing to support their child in front of strangers
Every child needs the assurance that their parents will stand up for them in any conflict, regardless of the situation, and won’t blindly trust the words of authority figures like teachers, principals, or neighbors. When parents allow their children to speak up for themselves when they are ready to take responsibility for their actions, it helps them develop healthy self-esteem and a sense of personal accountability.
- Maggy was raised by her grandmother, who often said, “But what will other people think?” Although her grandmother loved Maggy and wanted the best for her, she constantly emphasized the importance of public opinion. As a result, Maggy struggles to make her own decisions and even relies on her friends’ opinions when choosing something as simple as dessert.
5. Drawing inspiration and comparing to successful people
Each generation has its own set of heroes whom young people aspire to emulate. In recent decades, the tales of personal success from wealthy and influential individuals have become widespread. However, it’s not as simple as learning their life story and achieving happiness. If it were that easy, everyone who reads their books would have solved all their financial problems by now.
- Alex developed a passion for computers from a young age. Inspired by the story of Steve Jobs that his dad shared with him, Alex immersed himself in learning everything about Apple. When it came time to choose a university, Alex initially believed he didn’t need higher education because Steve Jobs succeeded without it. Eventually, Alex realized the importance of education for his path and pursued college to advance his career. Now, Alex jokes, “What worked for Steve Jobs is just a waste of time for an ordinary guy like me.”
6. Pressuring their child to decide on their future career
The notion that a person should stick to one career for their entire life is likely outdated and impractical. Many modern occupations didn’t exist a decade ago, while others have already become obsolete.
- Since childhood, Max had a passion for exploring computers and understanding various software programs. Despite his parents’ concerns, he pursued this interest and eventually discovered online courses in software testing. Now, he is thriving in this field, leveraging his potential and skills.
- Laura, at 37, worked as a sociologist for a major consulting firm but found it challenging to maintain her career after having her son. During maternity leave, she rediscovered her love for photography. Starting with unique photos of her child, Laura progressed to offering photoshoots for friends’ and acquaintances’ kids. Over time, she opened her photo studio. Laura now earns as much as her husband and successfully manages her professional life while caring for her family. This shift exemplifies the evolving nature of careers and the importance of embracing new opportunities.
7. Arguing about money
Since children may absorb long-lasting messages from these circumstances, it’s crucial to avoid arguing about money or other matters in front of them. Instead of one-on-one conflicts, which can cause youngsters to take sides and become distressed, talks should be led in a way that promotes involvement.
- Chris grew up witnessing his parents argue about money. When he went to college at 17 and moved away, he struggled with managing his finances and spending on unnecessary items. He now fears starting relationships, believing that money is the root cause of his sadness.
8. Prohibiting the child from using social networks
Social networks have become today’s equivalent of the yards and neighborhoods where we used to play as children. Kids can learn valuable skills through computer programs integrated with social media platforms. While parents should remind their kids about online safety rules, depriving children of this experience can be harsh.
- Aria’s mother was surprised to discover that her 10-year-old daughter had learned to create cool videos. Even more surprising was the realization that Aria had learned this skill from using TikTok. Now, creating short videos has become a family hobby for them.
9. Teaching the kid that they have the stuff at home
Many of us recall times when we asked our parents to buy us things, only to hear, “We already have that at home; we don’t need it.” Some parents repeatedly expose their children to such situations, unintentionally discouraging them from getting what they truly need. This pattern can significantly impact their financial habits as adults. On the other hand, constantly satisfying a child’s every need can also have negative effects.
- Jan’s mother often tells him they have things at home and they don’t buy them from the store. Jan has learned to overlook his needs, and with each subsequent request, he withdraws more, knowing not to ask. When Jan grows up and earns his income, money will go towards trivial things because that’s how he’s learned to live.
10. Preventing children from getting into conflicts
The ability to engage with others is perhaps one of the most crucial professional skills one can possess. It’s important not only to help children make friends but also to teach them how to engage in healthy arguments. People often hold differing opinions, and there are various ways to express emotions. The sooner children grasp this concept, the easier their interactions with others will be, including in professional settings.
- Michaela spent her life avoiding conflicts, preferring to agree with others rather than engage in disputes. She believed that someone always had to be the “smarter” one, but this approach proved more harmful than beneficial. One day, Michaela learned about active listening and decided to apply this approach in her professional life. She excelled at paying attention to others’ perspectives while also expressing her feelings when others attempted to take advantage of her. Initially, people found her communication style unconventional, but conflicts with coworkers became more constructive, leading to mutually beneficial resolutions.
11. Helping their child learn to save money
The world is always changing, and old ways of making or saving money might not work anymore. We can’t predict what skills will be valuable in the future economy. That’s why it’s important to teach kids to be flexible and ready for change, not just to save money.
- Emily’s grandfather saved money his whole life “just in case.” But when that “case” finally happened, a financial meltdown made all his investments lose value. Emily saw this while growing up, and now she’s worried the economy could collapse at any time. She believes the best investment is in her skills and knowledge.
12. Trying to build a strong character with the help of sports
While there’s a widespread belief that sports are beneficial for discipline and character development, excessive competitiveness in professional sports can be detrimental to a child’s physical and mental health. This competitiveness can be fueled by both fellow young athletes and coaches. Only a few individuals become champions, and coaches often prioritize these select few, neglecting the rest of the team. Coping with this unfair treatment at a young age can lead to low self-esteem and confusion about alternative life paths if a child must stop playing sports.
- Tom’s mother pursued rhythmic gymnastics as a child but had to abandon her Olympic dreams due to a leg injury. When Tom was three, his mother enrolled him in gymnastics classes, hoping he would excel. However, Tom struggled in this sport, leading him to lose interest in school, feel like a failure, and struggle to identify his strengths. Now, Tom is studying to become a child psychologist to help parents navigate the challenges of raising children without making the same mistakes.
Being protective of your children is natural, but it’s important to set boundaries. Respecting their privacy is crucial for a healthy parent-child relationship and their personal development. Violating their privacy can have serious negative effects, especially on their mental health.
Woman Accidentally Hit a Man in the Nose in the Elevator, Only to Discover He Was Her New Boss — Story of the Day
Claire was nervous about her first day at her new job, but getting stuck in the elevator with a stranger and accidentally breaking his nose in a panic made things worse. When they exited the elevator, she discovered that this man was her new boss. A boss known for his reputation as a ruthless tyrant.
Claire walked down a bustling street, her stomach a knot with excitement. Today was her first day at a new job, a job she had long dreamed of. She was starting as a graphic designer at a large company, and it was very exciting for Claire.
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She knew she had to make a good impression on the first day and worried about whether she could pull it off.
Claire was naturally very clumsy, so she rarely managed to made a good first impression, but today she was determined to succeed.
Another reason she needed to show her best side was that she had heard rumors that her new boss was very strict and demanding, not tolerating mistakes.
She took a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves as she approached the towering office building. It loomed above her, glass reflecting the morning sunlight. With a final deep breath, she mustered up her courage and went inside.
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The lobby was grand, with sleek modern decor and people hurrying about. Claire felt a bit overwhelmed but kept moving, reminding herself to stay focused. She walked to the elevator, where an attractive man in a suit was already standing.
He seemed familiar, but she couldn’t place where she had seen him before. His sharp suit and confident stance made him look important. Claire pressed the button to call the elevator.
“I already pressed the button; there was no need to press it again,” the man said coldly.
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“Oh, you mean the elevator. I didn’t even think… It’s my first day,” Claire mumbled, stumbling over her words. The man gave her a stern look. “I’m very anxious,” she added.
The elevator doors opened, and the man stepped inside. Claire followed him in. The man pressed the button for the 11th floor and looked at Claire, expecting her to press her floor button.
“Me too, 11,” she said. Claire had checked all the information she had been sent dozens of times that morning. “So, it looks like we’ll be colleagues,” she said.
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“Yeah,” the man replied.
“I heard the boss is very strict and doesn’t forgive mistakes,” Claire said with a nervous laugh.
“I don’t see anything wrong with that. If you want a successful company, you need to minimize mistakes and the people who make them,” he replied.
“Maybe,” she said, thinking they definitely wouldn’t be friends. “I’m Claire, by the way,” she extended her hand for a shake.
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“Yes, I—” but the man was cut off as the elevator suddenly stopped.
“What’s happening?” Claire asked in a panic.
“It seems there’s a malfunction; it should start again soon,” the man replied calmly. Just after he said this, the lights in the elevator went out.
“Oh god, no, no, no. Not this! We’re stuck!” Claire began to panic.
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“Calm down; it should start working again soon.”
Claire started to hyperventilate, pacing back and forth in the elevator.
“What’s happening to you?” the man asked.
“I’m really afraid of confined spaces,” Claire answered.
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“You were just fine a moment ago.”
“ʼBut the elevator ride only takes a few seconds; I can handle that. Now it’s unclear how long we’ll be stuck here.” Claire couldn’t calm down; she was already on edge, and now this. She collapsed to the floor, tears streaming down her face. “I’m not ready to die so young!” she cried out.
The man crouched next to her and put his hand on her back. “Calm down; no one is going to die. It’s just an elevator, and you’re not alone,” he said, gently rubbing her back.
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Miraculously, this started to help, and Claire slowly began to calm down. Suddenly, the elevator jolted, scaring her, and she accidentally elbowed something.
“We’re falling!” Claire screamed. Suddenly, the lights came back on, and the elevator began to move. Claire turned around and saw she had bloodied the man’s nose.
“Oh god, I’m so sorry. I really didn’t mean to,” she said, standing up from the floor.
The man remained silent, pressing a handkerchief to his nose. The elevator doors opened, and the man immediately stepped out. Claire followed him.
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“Mr. Hemforth! What happened?” a woman cried out. Claire felt her blood run cold. Mr. Hemforth—that was the name of her new boss. Claire had just punched her boss!
“Damn,” she muttered under her breath.
Several days had passed since the elevator incident, and all this time, Claire increasingly felt that Mr. Hemforth hated her.
She couldn’t shake the feeling that she had seen him somewhere before. His constant disapproval only added to her anxiety.
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He hadn’t approved any of her work or ideas, no matter how hard she tried. Claire arrived at work at 7 a.m. and left at 10 p.m., just to finally create something Hemforth would like, but it was all in vain. Her efforts seemed pointless. It seemed he was deliberately rejecting her work.
When other colleagues praised something and said how great Claire was, Hemforth would look at her work and say he’d never seen anything worse in his life. It was like a punch to the gut every time. Claire’s confidence was dwindling.
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One day, Claire decided to try again. She walked to his office, her heart pounding. She took a deep breath, mustering the little courage she had left, and knocked on the door.
“Come in,” Hemforth’s voice called from inside.
Claire entered, holding her latest design in her hands. “Mr. Hemforth, I’ve made some changes. I hope this meets your expectations,” she said, handing him her work.
“Are you kidding me?” Hemforth said, frowning. “Why are you showing me a draft?”
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“This is the final version,” Claire replied, her voice shaky.
“You shouldn’t have said that. Redo it,” Hemforth replied, his tone stern.
Claire couldn’t take it anymore. “Why do you hate me so much? I’ve apologized several times for hitting you, and it was an accident. Everyone else praises my work. Why haven’t you said anything good?”
“I don’t hate you. I want to teach you,” Hemforth answered calmly.
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“Then you should take teaching courses,” Claire snapped, her frustration boiling over. She turned and left the office, slamming the door behind her.
That evening, the office was empty and dimly lit. The soft hum of the fluorescent lights was the only sound accompanying Claire as she sat at her desk, tirelessly working on the same project over and over again.
Her eyes were strained from staring at the screen for hours, and she rubbed them, trying to focus. The clock on the wall ticked loudly, reminding her that it was already half past ten at night.
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Suddenly, Claire heard the familiar sound of the elevator dinging. She glanced up, squinting to see who it could be at this late hour.
The dim lighting made it hard to make out the figure at first. Her heart skipped a beat when the figure stepped out of the shadows, and she realized it was Hemforth.
“Damn it!” Hemforth shouted, his voice echoing in the empty office. “You scared me.”
“Sorry,” Claire said, her voice small and apologetic.
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Hemforth took a deep breath and approached her desk. “What are you doing here so late?” he asked, his tone softer now.
“I’m working,” Claire replied, trying to muster a smile. “And you?”
“I forgot my phone,” Hemforth said, shaking his head. “Came back to get it.”
“I see,” Claire said, feeling a bit awkward.
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Hemforth leaned over to look at her laptop screen. “Why are you doing it this way?” he asked, a frown creasing his forehead.
Claire blinked, confused. “What do you mean?”
“Why are you trying so hard to fit into our mold?” Hemforth asked, looking at her intently.
“I thought that’s what I was supposed to do,” Claire said, her voice uncertain.
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Hemforth shook his head. “I hired you because your work stood out. I thought you could bring something new to our company.”
Claire was taken aback. “I… I didn’t know that,” she admitted. She really thought he wanted her to follow the same guidelines as everyone else.
Hemforth sighed and took the mouse from her hand, deleting everything she had been working on. Claire gasped, feeling a pang of panic. “What are you doing? I spent the whole day on that!” she protested.
“I know,” Hemforth said, looking at her with a calm expression. “I’m sorry, but I want you to create something new. Something that’s truly yours, not just what you think we want.”
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Claire felt her frustration rising. “Well, I guess I’ll be spending the night here,” she said, determined to prove herself.
“No need,” Hemforth said, shaking his head. “Start fresh tomorrow.”
“No,” Claire insisted. “I want to come in with results. You’ll probably fire me anyway.”
Hemforth looked surprised. “Why would I fire you?” he asked.
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“Because I haven’t had a single approved project,” Claire said, feeling the weight of her frustration and exhaustion.
“That’s normal,” Hemforth reassured her. “You’re still learning. You’re the most talented person in this office, maybe even better than me. Just stop limiting yourself.”
Claire stared at him in disbelief. She had never expected to hear such praise from Hemforth. “Really?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Yes,” Hemforth said firmly. “We haven’t had such a young and talented employee in a long time. The last one was five years ago.”
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Claire looked at him, puzzled. “You’re not much older than me,” she said.
“I’m talking about myself,” Hemforth explained. “I joined the company only five years ago, and look where I am now. And you’re better than me. If you want, I can help you.”
Claire felt a surge of gratitude. “Thank you, Mr. Hemforth,” she said. “But I’d rather do it myself.”
Hemforth smiled. “Just call me Derek,” he said. “Work hours ended long ago. I’ll be in my office if you need help.”
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As Hemforth walked away, Claire felt a newfound determination. She took a deep breath and turned back to her laptop, ready to create something truly her own.
The next few hours, Claire spent working on a new project. She kept Hemforth’s words in mind and let herself be free, not worrying about fitting in. She tried new ideas and different styles, feeling more confident with each stroke.
Finally, Claire sat back and looked at the finished work. She couldn’t believe her eyes. It was the best thing she had created since starting at the company. A smile spread across her face.
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Claire grabbed her laptop and walked to Hemforth’s office. She knocked gently on the door, her heart pounding. When Hemforth looked up, she stepped inside and placed the laptop on his desk, turning it so he could see the screen.
“Take a look,” Claire said, her voice a bit shaky but hopeful.
“See, that’s what I was talking about. Good job,” Hemforth said, his face lighting up with a smile.
“Really?” Claire asked, her eyes wide with surprise. She still couldn’t believe it.
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“Yes,” Hemforth said, standing up from his desk. “You can actually do much more than you imagine.”
“Thank you,” Claire said, feeling a mix of relief and pride.
She returned to her desk and started packing her things. Claire walked to the elevator, where Hemforth was already standing, waiting.
“I’m getting flashbacks from our first meeting,” Claire said with a small laugh.
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“That wasn’t our first meeting,” Hemforth replied, his expression softening.
“What do you mean?” Claire asked, puzzled.
“Do you remember the graduation party where you cried in the bathroom because your lenses were expired and your eyes were burning?” Hemforth asked, looking at her closely.
“I wasn’t crying; my eyes were just watering. How do you know that?” Claire asked, her mind racing to remember.
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“I was the one who brought you tissues and lens solution,” Hemforth said, a smile playing on his lips.
“That was you?” Claire said, her eyes widening in recognition. “I thought that was some kind graduate…”
“Yeah, that was me,” Hemforth replied. The elevator doors closed, and they both stepped inside.
“I’ve been looking for you since that day but couldn’t find you. Then I saw your resume for this job,” Hemforth continued, his voice calm but sincere.
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“You were looking for me?” Claire asked, her heart skipping a beat.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” Hemforth admitted.
“Oh,” Claire said, feeling a rush of emotions.
“Sorry, I got carried away,” Hemforth said, looking a bit embarrassed.
“I was going to drop out the next day because I thought I wasn’t good enough,” Claire confessed. “But I stayed because of your words.”
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“What’s important is not whether you’re worthy of being here, but whether you’re ready to fight for your choice,” they said in unison, both surprised at their shared memory.
“You remember,” Claire said, smiling brightly.
“Of course,” Hemforth said. “I remember every part of that conversation.”
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Their eyes met, and without thinking, Hemforth leaned in to kiss Claire. She responded, wrapping her arms around his neck. Hemforth pressed a button, and the elevator stopped.
“It’s okay. I’m here,” he said softly, then kissed Claire again.
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