Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you in our 7 years of marriage & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been tough for me. Your boss notified me that you quit your job today & that was just too much to bear any longer.
Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, It’s over and I am leaving.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Believe me, nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s definitely true that you & I have been married for the past 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.
I watch my TV shows so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping, although that doesn’t seem to work.
I definitely noticed your haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ And since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I decided not to comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 long years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could make this work. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem!
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Barbra Streisand on Possibly Leaving the United States
Renowned singer and actor Barbra Streisand recently voiced her displeasure with the current government and her worries about a particular candidate’s chances of winning the president.
Having previously campaigned for Hillary Clinton, Streisand stated that she would leave the country if she were to win the presidency in an interview with Stephen Colbert on “The Late Show.”
In response to a question about potential relocation, Streisand teasingly suggested England. She has talked about moving before. This is not the first time. She had also suggested Canada in 2016 as a possible destination in the event that the same candidate was elected president.
Recall that in 2016, Barbra Streisand made a vow to leave the nation if the candidate won, along with other famous people including Amy Schumer, Bryan Cranston, and Cher. But in the end, they decided to remain in the United States, regardless of the outcome of the election.
Even while talks and debates are frequently sparked by the voices of celebrities, it’s crucial to keep in mind that individual decisions about where to live are flexible and subject to change.
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