Matt Heath: My parting message: Enjoy things while they are around

A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.

Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.

Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.

Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.

Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.

A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”

Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.

While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?

Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”

With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.

There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).

A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.

Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.

Bless!

Georg Stanford Brown and Tyne Daly’s interracial marriage stood the test of time despite the prejudices they faced…

 Hollywood actors Georg Stanford Brown and Tyne Daly only dated for five months before deciding they wanted to be together forever.

Their love affair began in the 1960s when interracial marriage was considered taboo, illegal, and punishable by law.

They married on June 1, 1966, just one year before interracial marriage became legal across the U.S. As late as 1960 such marriages were illegal in 31 states in the U.S.

Georg Stanford Brown had moved from Havana to Harlem when he was 7 years old and then moved to LA 10 years later where he finished his education, majoring in theater arts.

Although, initially choosing the path of theater arts to ‘do something easy’ he ended up enjoying it and returned to New York to attend the American Musical and Dramatic Academy, working as a school janitor to pay his tuition, earning $80 a week.
It was there that he met his future wife Tyne Daly where they both studied under Philip Burton, Richard Burton’s mentor.
Brown is perhaps best known for his role as Officer Terry Webster, one of the stars of the ABC television series “The Rookies” that aired from 1972 to 1976.

He was also well known for his character Tom Harvey in the mini-series “Roots.”

During his long career as an actor and director, Brown played a variety of film roles, including Henri Philipot in The Comedians and Dr. Willard in Bullitt. In 1984 he starred in The Jesse Owens Story as Lew Gilbert.
When Brown married American singer and actress Tyne Daly she was a household name for her iconic role-playing Mary Beth Lacey, the gun-toting working-mother cop in the hit show “Cagney and Lacey.”

When the couple got married they faced racial prejudice but chose to ignore it – until they appeared on an episode of “The Rookies” together and shared their first on-screen interracial kiss.
Network censors wanted the scene deleted, but the couple stood their grounds, taped, and aired the segment without any issues from those closest to them.
In an interview with the Washington Post in 1985, Daly said she never saw being married to Brown as interracial. She does not, she says, “like pigeonholes.”
She is married to “another member of the human race. I gave up categories a long time ago,” she added.

The couple has three daughters Alisabeth Brown, born December 12, 1967; Kathryne Dora Brown, born February 10, 1971; and Alyxandra Beatris Brown, born October 1, 1985.

Daly said when their daughter Alyxandra was born, “on her birth certificate, under ‘race,’ we put ‘human’; under ‘sex’ we put ‘yes’, and under ethnic origin, we put ‘citizen of the world.’”
Describing her marriage to Brown, Daly said: “I have a good and interesting marriage that has gone on for quite some time and he’s an interesting fellow and we have some fascinating young children . . .”

Brown went into directing, and in 1986, he won a Primetime Emmy Award for Best Director in a Drama Series for the final episode of “Cagney & Lacey.”
Daly went on to star in many Broadway shows playing the role of Madame Arkadina in “The Seagull” in 1992, Cynthia Nixon in the 2006 comedy “Rabbit Hole,” and Maria Callas in “Master Class” in 2011, among others.
In 1990, after 24 years of marriage, Brown, and Daly filed for divorce. Even though their marriage had stood the test of time, they had to go their separate ways due to irreconcilable differences.

Despite divorcing after more than two decades this couple’s love and their fight to ignore the prejudice they faced is an inspiration.

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