According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
My Twin Sister Deleted Our Photos and Disappeared — When I Finally Found Her, She Pretended Not to Know Me
Miley’s life turned upside down when her twin sister, Sara, erased all their photos from social media and disappeared without a trace. When Miley finally found her months later, Sara’s reaction was even more chilling: she pretended not to know her.
I’ll never forget the day when I found out that every photo of Sara and me had vanished from social media. Just… gone. Like we’d never existed.
My heart was pounding so hard, and I almost felt like throwing up.
A close-up shot of a woman’s face | Source: Midjourney
Let me back up a bit. I’m Miley, just a regular 24-year-old girl trying to do her best in life. Everything was going well up until a few months ago.
It all started after I had finally landed a job that could jumpstart my career. I was sharing a tiny apartment with my twin sister, Sara.
We’d been through thick and thin together, from losing our mom in a car accident when we were five to navigating the foster care system.
Those early days after Mom died are a blur.
Twin sisters | Source: Pexels
I remember holding Sara’s hand as we walked into our new foster home. We were so terrified.
“It’ll be okay, Miley,” Sara whispered. “I’ve got you.”
That was Sara. Always the brave one, always looking out for me. She’d always step in whenever kids at school would tease me about my secondhand clothes or my quiet nature.
“Back off!” she’d scream. “Nobody messes with my sister!”
We were the same age, but Sara had taken up the role of the protective elder sister who was always there to keep me safe.
Twin sisters smiling | Source: Pexels
I don’t know how I would have dealt with the bullies if it wasn’t for her.
Growing up, Sara and I were inseparable. We shared everything from clothes to dreams. We even went to the same college together.
After graduation, I landed a job at a marketing firm, while Sara was still searching for her big break.
“Don’t worry about me,” she’d say, waving off my concerns. “You focus on killing it at work. I’ll figure something out.”
A woman talking to her sister | Source: Midjourney
“I’m here for you, Sara,” I’d tell her. “And I always will be. We’ll figure this out together, okay?”
It was a few months after graduating when we rented this small, cozy apartment.
We’ve made so many memories there, and it felt so good to live with my twin sister. After all, she was the only family I had.
But a few months ago, things started to change.
A woman looking outside a window | Source: Midjourney
Sara became… different. Secretive. She’d disappear for hours without explanation, or stay glued to her phone at home.
One night, we were sitting in the living room when I decided to confront her. I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Sara, what’s going on? Are you seeing someone?”
She glanced up from her phone, looking annoyed. “What? No. Why would you think that?”
“You’re always on your phone, sneaking off… I’m worried about you.”
A woman looking straight ahead | Source: Midjourney
She rolled her eyes. “Miley, I love you, but you need to chill. I’m fine. Just… doing some research for job stuff.”
I wanted to believe her, but something felt off.
However, since I was swamped with work and wanted to prove myself at my new job, I decided not to worry about it.
Big mistake.
A few weeks later, I was at work when I noticed Sara had erased our online history. All our photos had disappeared from social media, and she had blocked me from every platform.
A person holding their phone | Source: Pexels
I raced home from work that day, praying I was overreacting. But my worst fears came alive when I burst into our apartment.
Sara was gone.
Her closet was empty and she had taken everything that belonged to her. Books, laptop… even the stupid stuffed penguin she’d had since we were kids.
That was the worst day of my life.
I had no idea what to do. I couldn’t believe that my sister left me without saying goodbye. Without telling me why she couldn’t live with me anymore.
A woman looking straight ahead and thinking | Source: Midjourney
I spent the next few weeks looking for her. I went to the police station, asked my friends for help, posted online… I did everything I could to find her.
“I’m sorry, miss,” the officer said for what felt like the hundredth time. “Your sister is an adult. If she chose to leave, there’s not much we can do.”
But I couldn’t give up. Sara was more than my sister. She was my other half. My best friend. The only real family I had left.
A woman standing outside a building | Source: Midjourney
Months went by and there was no trace of her.
At that point, I kept myself distracted with work during the day, but the nights were horrible. I cried myself to sleep in our half-empty apartment.
I was at my lowest point.
Then, one day, while I was out doing some shopping to distract myself, I saw her.
Sara. My sister.
She was walking arm-in-arm with an older man, laughing like she didn’t have a care in the world.
An older man with a young woman | Source: Midjourney
My heart skipped a beat.
“Sara!” I cried. “Oh my god, where have you been? Why did you leave?”
But the look she gave me… it was like I was a total stranger. Cold. Distant.
“Who are you?” she asked, her voice eerily calm. “I don’t know you.”
“What? Sara, it’s me. It’s Miley. Your sister. Your twin.”
Sara’s face remained blank. “I’m sorry, but I think you have me confused with someone else. Please leave us alone.”
The older man she was with looked concerned.
A man at a mall | Source: Midjourney
“Is everything alright?” he asked, glancing between us.
I turned to him. “Please, you have to help me. This is my sister, Sara. We grew up together. She disappeared months ago, and I’ve been looking everywhere for her.”
“Is this true?” he asked Sara.
She sighed. “Fine. Yes, it’s true. This is Miley, my twin sister.”
The man’s eyes widened.
“Twin sister? But that would mean…” He extended his hand to me. “I’m Kevin. I’m… well, I guess I’m your father.”
A man extending his hand | Source: Pexels
I stared at him as my mind struggled to process this bombshell. “Our… father? But we never knew our dad. Mom always said…”
“Maybe we should sit down,” Kevin suggested gently. “I think we all have a lot to talk about.”
I followed them to a nearby café. Sara finally met my eyes when we settled into a booth.
“I’m sorry, Miley,” she said softly. “I didn’t mean for it to happen like this.”
“What happened?” I asked. “Why did you leave? Why didn’t you tell me?”
She took a deep breath.
A woman in a restaurant | Source: Midjourney
“Remember when I was being all secretive with my phone? I… I took one of those DNA tests. You know, the ones that tell you about your ancestry?”
I nodded, still confused.
“Well, it matched me with Kevin here,” she continued. “He’s our biological father.”
“I had no idea,” Kevin began explaining. “I took the test on a whim. All my golf buddies were doing it. And I was so shocked when Sara contacted me… I dated your mother briefly. Years ago. But she never told me she was pregnant.”
A couple on the street | Source: Pexels
“But why keep it a secret?” I asked Sara. “Why disappear?”
Sara’s eyes filled with tears. “I… I wanted something that was just mine, for once. We’ve shared everything our whole lives, Miley. Our clothes, our friends, our tiny apartment. When I found out about Kevin, I just… I wanted to explore this connection on my own. Just for a little while.”
“And you erased me from your life?” I whispered.
“I know it was wrong,” Sara said, reaching for my hand.
A woman in a restaurant, looking down | Source: Midjourney
“I got carried away. I convinced myself that you’d be fine without me, that you had your new job and your life… I’m so sorry, Miley.”
Kevin cleared his throat.
“I take full responsibility too,” he said. “When Sara told me about you, I should have insisted we contact you right away. I was just so excited to get to know my daughter… I didn’t think about how it might affect you.”
At that point, all I needed was some time to process everything.
A woman looking at a person sitting in front of her | Source: Midjourney
What was supposed to be a trip to the mall had suddenly turned into an unexpected family reunion. I couldn’t believe I was sitting with my long-lost father and my twin sister who I thought was gone forever.
“I need some air,” I mumbled as I stood up. “I’ll be back”
I quickly left the café and took a deep breath.
A few seconds later, I felt a hand on my shoulder.
A woman looking behind her | Source: Midjourney
It was Sara.
“Miley,” she said softly. “I know I messed up. Big time. But you’re my sister and nothing will change that. Can you forgive me? Please?”
I looked at her for a few seconds and realized she was still the person who’d always protected me. She was my Sara, and I had to forgive her.
“On one condition,” I smiled. “No more secrets. Okay?”
“Deal,” she nodded and pulled me into a hug.
As we held each other tight, I realized our story wasn’t over.
A woman hugging her sister | Source: Midjourney
It was just beginning… with a new chapter, a new family member, and a bond that couldn’t be broken.
At that point, we had a lot to figure out, but I knew we’d do it together. Just like we always had.
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