Narcissism is a phenomenon in which a person with low self-esteem is afraid of losing authority in the eyes of others, and they begin to manipulate their friends, colleagues, and family to appear better than they really are. These people are so determined. We decided to imagine what it’s like to have your beloved mother like this.
They have a distorted perception of love and achievement, making it nearly impossible for them to make you feel good enough.
Their self-worth hinges on external validation and a facade of perfection. This creates a moving target for your worth in their eyes. You can achieve great things, but their praise might be laced with criticism, or they might simply shift the goalposts to a new, unattainable standard. This leaves you perpetually striving for an unachievable level of approval.
Additionally, their happiness is often transactional. They dole out affection when it suits them, leaving you confused about what truly earns their love. This inconsistency fosters insecurity and self-doubt, making you question your own value no matter what you accomplish. Ultimately, a narcissistic mother’s inability to offer genuine, unconditional love creates a core belief that you’ll never be good enough, regardless of your efforts.
Narcissistic mothers won’t let their kids’ successes overshadow their own.
Narcissistic mothers crave attention and view their children’s achievements through a distorted lens. While they might brag about their child’s successes superficially, they can’t handle being outshined. This stems from a deep insecurity and a fragile sense of self. Their child’s triumphs become a threat, rather than a source of pride. They may downplay the accomplishment, subtly criticize, or even try to one-up their child with their own past glories, all to maintain a sense of superiority.
She’s only worried about her own problems.
A narcissistic mother’s world often revolves around herself, leaving little room for her child’s emotions or experiences. Their own needs for validation and admiration take priority. They struggle to empathize with their child’s struggles, viewing them as inconveniences or attention-grabbing tactics. This is because the narcissist lacks the emotional maturity to see their child as a separate being with valid feelings. Their child’s problems become burdens to be managed, rather than opportunities for connection and support.
These mothers humiliate their children.
There are a couple of reasons why narcissistic mothers might resort to humiliating their children. One is to maintain control. By publicly criticizing, mocking, or exaggerating their child’s flaws, the mother keeps them feeling insecure and dependent. This fragile self-esteem makes the child less likely to challenge the mother’s authority or seek independence.
Another reason is to bolster the narcissist’s own fragile ego. Putting their child down creates a clear hierarchy where the mother is always superior. This can be especially pronounced if the child shows any potential to outshine the mother, triggering a need to cut them down to size. Ultimately, the humiliation serves the narcissist’s own needs for power and self-importance, leaving the child feeling emotionally bruised and diminished.
She makes kids feel guilty for getting something.
Narcissistic mothers often induce guilt in their children for receiving gifts or achieving success because it reinforces their own sense of control. They might make comments like, «You don’t deserve this, there are others who need it more,» implying the child is selfish for wanting something good. This guilt trip serves a few purposes.
Firstly, it keeps the child feeling indebted and obligated to please the mother. Secondly, it deflects attention away from the mother’s inability to be genuinely happy for her child’s good fortune. Ultimately, by making their child feel guilty, the narcissistic mother manipulates the situation to maintain the focus on themselves and their emotional needs.
She thinks she always deserves the best.
A narcissistic mother’s belief in her own deservingness stems from a distorted sense of self-importance. Deep down, she craves admiration and validation, and views herself as superior to others. This inflated ego convinces her that she deserves the best in life, regardless of her actions or contributions. It’s a constant need to be seen as special and entitled.
This sense of entitlement can manifest in various ways, from expecting lavish gifts and unwavering support to feeling justified in cutting in line or bending the rules. For a narcissistic mother, the «best» isn’t just about material possessions, but also about the constant flow of attention, praise, and control that reinforces her grandiosity.
Her love is unstable. When she needs something, she’s kind. When she doesn’t, she’s rude.
Narcissistic mothers often exhibit a transactional kind of love, where affection is dangled like a carrot. When their needs are unmet, their self-absorption takes center stage. They might become critical, dismissive, or even cold towards their child. Conversely, when they require something — maybe errands run, emotional support, or a public image boost — the kindness faucet turns on.
This emotional inconsistency leaves the child confused and insecure. They never quite know what version of their mother they’ll encounter, creating a constant state of walking on eggshells to avoid the unpredictable shift from loving to cold.
She cares too much about how other people see her.
A narcissistic mother craves external validation and uses how others perceive her as a mirror for her fragile self-esteem. Her self-worth hinges on admiration and a cultivated image of perfection. This makes her hyper-aware of how others view her, particularly in her role as a mother. She might brag excessively about her child’s accomplishments, not necessarily out of pride, but to reflect well on her own parenting skills.
Conversely, any perceived shortcomings in her child become a threat to her image. She might downplay their achievements or even criticize them publicly to maintain a facade of control and superiority in the eyes of others. Ultimately, the well-being and genuine connection with her child become secondary to managing the public perception of a perfect mother and family.
She complains about people that do something against her will.
Narcissistic mothers view any challenge to their control as a personal attack. Their rigid sense of self-importance dictates that things should go their way. When someone, especially their child, dares to act independently or disagree, it triggers a deep sense of entitlement being violated. They may lash out by complaining excessively, playing the victim, or attempting to manipulate the situation back to their desired outcome.
These complaints serve a dual purpose: firstly, to punish the person for disobeying, and secondly, to garner sympathy or support from others, further reinforcing their position of authority. Ultimately, a narcissistic mother’s complaints about those who defy her are less about the specific action and more about maintaining a power dynamic where she remains in control.
Narcissistic mothers are jealous of their daughters’ beauty. And they pretend to be caring.
A narcissistic mother’s insecurity can turn a daughter’s blossoming beauty into a source of hidden jealousy. They may outwardly offer compliments laced with backhanded remarks, like «You look pretty, but maybe try a different shade of lipstick.» This thinly veiled criticism undermines the daughter’s confidence while maintaining a facade of caring.
Deeper down, the mother might feel threatened by her daughter’s youthful beauty, a stark reminder of her own fading youth and potential loss of attention. This jealousy can manifest in various ways, from sabotaging the daughter’s attempts to dress up for an event to subtly comparing her looks to others. The narcissistic mother’s mask of concern hides a desire to control the narrative, ensuring her daughter’s beauty doesn’t overshadow her own.
She criticizes a lot but almost never gives praise.
Narcissistic mothers often fall into a harsh critic pattern for a few reasons. Firstly, their self-worth is fueled by a need for control and a sense of superiority. Constant criticism keeps their child feeling insecure and dependent, less likely to challenge their authority. Secondly, genuine praise can feel threatening to a narcissist. If their child is successful or confident, it might overshadow the mother’s own perceived importance.
Instead of celebrating their child’s achievements, they might downplay them or even resort to nitpicking flaws. Ultimately, the lack of praise becomes a tool for manipulation. By withholding validation, the narcissistic mother keeps her child striving for approval, a dynamic that reinforces her own sense of power and control.
They’re angry if someone else is in the spotlight.
A narcissistic mother thrives on being the center of attention. Their fragile self-esteem craves constant validation and admiration. When someone else, especially their child, receives praise or recognition, it’s perceived as a direct threat. This triggers a surge of anger because it disrupts their carefully curated image of superiority. They might downplay the other person’s accomplishment, subtly criticize them, or even try to steal the spotlight back to themselves with tales of their own past glories.
This anger isn’t about protecting their child, but about protecting their own inflated sense of self-importance. They can’t bear to share the spotlight, and their reaction reflects a deep-seated insecurity that can leave their child feeling confused and emotionally neglected.
Narcissistic mothers might constantly remind you of the things they’ve done for you.
One is to create a sense of obligation and guilt. By replaying a litany of sacrifices and favors, they make you feel indebted, making it harder to disagree with them or assert your independence. It’s a way to control you through emotional manipulation. Another reason is to inflate their own sense of importance.
Recounting their «good deeds» reinforces their narrative as the selfless caregiver deserving of constant praise and gratitude. Ultimately, these constant reminders are about them, not you. It’s a tactic to maintain power within the relationship and ensure you remain focused on their needs rather than developing your own sense of self.
These narcissistic traits can take a toll. But there’s good news! Our next piece dives into how these experiences shape you, and what you heal from it.
My Husband Demanded a Sixth Child or Threatened Divorce – After My Lesson, He Begged for Forgiveness on His Knees
My husband didn’t anticipate that I would defend our kids and myself when he offered me a terrifying ultimatum. I showed him that he was being unreasonable when we already had so much to be thankful for. He begged ME for pity as his ultimatum came to an end! I never imagined myself in this situation, but here I am, facing a decision. My spouse’s one demand put me in a tight spot and forced me to take extreme steps. But I had to take action because of that demand. Danny, my spouse, has consistently been a successful businessman and a loving father.
He works long hours at the workplace and has been a good provider for our family. I can now raise our five lovely girls while being a stay-at-home mother because of this. His aspirations to have a son “to carry on the family name” have, however, recently evolved into demands. And now those requests are transformed into threats!One evening after supper he stated, “Lisa, we NEED to have a sixth child.” He spoke in a somber, even icy tone. “We already have FIVE daughters, Danny. Do you want me to continue having children until we get a son? I answered, sensing the anxiety building. However, don’t kids bring you blessings? Is it really so difficult? His remarks hurt. Even though we’ve had this debate numerous times, something felt different this time. It had the air of an ultimatum. We kept going around in circles, neither of us ready to give up on our decisions. He threatened to consider DIVORCING me if I refused to have a son for him, that’s how bad our disagreement was! “Do you mean that if I didn’t give you a son, you would leave me?” My voice trembled as I asked. He murmured, “I didn’t say THAT,” and averted his gaze. However, the inference was evident.
If I didn’t do as HIS wishes dictated, he was open to the possibility of divorce. We said our goodbyes and headed our separate ways to get ready for bed after that. I lay awake that night thinking about our chat. How could he treat the life we’d created together with such contempt? All of our daughters are vibrant, individual, and extraordinary. I can’t think of our family in any other manner. I had to explain to him what he was requesting of me, of the two of us. Furthermore, what do you know? I thought of a clever method to SHOW him exactly what it means to raise five kids by yourself before I closed my eyes and went to sleep! I got up extra early the very next day, while everyone was still asleep. I drove to my late mother’s old country home after packing my bags.
I ignored all of his calls and texts and turned off the ringer on my phone. “The Drama That Unfolds When You Leave Your Husband at Home Alone with Five Children” is my favorite show of the day, so I settled in to watch it after making myself breakfast and a steaming cup of coffee. With the security cameras we had put at our house, I was able to see everything in real time. A RUDE awakening was in store for Danny! As soon as he was awake, he got ready for work. But when he heard the kids making a commotion, he put an end to his plans. He questioned our rascals, “Where’s your mother and why aren’t y’all dressed and ready for breakfast?” When my babies disregarded him and carried on playing and jumping on beds, it made me proud. My spouse called my name and searched for me before realizing I wasn’t at home. Then he began phoning me, and I saw the call go through. He became irate and exclaimed, “What the hell, Lisa,” before hanging up after the sixth missed call. He was unable to leave our small kids alone, thus he was unable to go to work. The first morning was a total bust and hilarious! When he attempted to prepare breakfast, he burned the toast and ruined the orange juice all over the place! The children were playing and without bothering to put on clothes. I was having a blast, and he was utterly overwhelmed!”Stop running, Emma!” Please put on your shoes, Jessica. I heard him yelling, his voice strained. “Daddy, this cereal doesn’t appeal to me.” Emily pushed her bowl away and whimpered. “So, what do you WANT?” he questioned, getting agitated. “I insist on pancakes!” she exclaimed. Danny massaged his temples and moaned. Alright, let me prepare pancakes. Feeling left out, little Jessica added, “I want cake and scrambled eggs!” Never one to be left out, Emma insisted, “Please, waffles and fresh cream!” I was positive that if his temples were hurting previously, they were now throbbing! The situation became worse during the course of the day! He attempted to assist them with their online coursework, but they were constantly getting sidetracked and leaving! He begged, “Jessica, please concentrate on your math homework.” “Daddy, I don’t understand it,” the girl exclaimed. He sat next to her and gazed at the TV. “All right, let’s work it out together.” In the middle of tending to the kids, a call from work arrived. Based on the discussion and Danny’s sincere apologies, it appeared that he had neglected to mark himself as absent for the day! My spouse was unable to determine what our kids preferred to eat for lunch.
They ultimately had a picnic with inane munchies as a result. “May we please have jelly and peanut butter?” Emma asked. He said, “I’m not sure we have any,” as he looked in the pantry. “Maybe just some jelly?” she proposed. Although watching Danny suffer in this way was heartbreaking, it was well worth the laughs! He appeared to be about to lose it, and the house was a complete mess with toys all over the place! He moaned, “Why is Play-Doh on the carpet?” Ask Emily, I’m not sure,” Jessica answered. Emily began enumerating all the reasons why she wasn’t the offender as soon as she heard her name! “I exclusively use blue and purple Play-Doh to play. I just walked a little bit on the carpet in one place; I wasn’t sitting on it. I. My spouse jokingly interrupted her before she could say anything further. “All right, Emily! Alright, I understand! Would you kindly take it down for Daddy? The girls decided to dress up in the evening, and Danny HAD to join in! They made him pretend to be a princess while donning a feather boa and tiara!”Daddy, you’re so beautiful!” Emily chuckled. He mumbled, “This is ridiculous,” yet he grinned at their happiness. My spouse appeared disoriented and really worn out. The very last straw was bedtime! They continued slinking out of their rooms, insisted on stories, and DEMANDED to go to bed! I was so proud!Emma pleaded, “Just one more story, Daddy.””Okay, but THEN it’s really time for bed,” he said, growing impatient. Danny was clearly on the edge of collapse by the end of the second day! He began pleading with me in his desperate messages to return and assist. He texted, “My angel, please, I can’t do this alone.” He even submitted a video of himself pleading for mercy while on his knees. “My dear, I apologize. Please return home. You are necessary to me. The fact that he recorded the video in our closed bathroom while the children DEMANDED he come outside and play added to the humor of the footage! I made up my mind to head home. Danny was the first person to come to me when I went in; he looked more relieved than I had ever seen! “I really apologize,” he said. “I will no longer put pressure on you to have a son.” He squeezed me till I was almost out of breath! He pledged, “I promise to spend more time with the family. I realize now how much you do.” I felt moved. “We can talk about the POSSIBILITY of having a sixth child if you genuinely promise to spend more time with us and help out more,” I added. He gave a forceful nod. “I swear, I swear,” Just just don’t ever leave me with kids alone for so long again! He fulfilled his word from that day on, and we both chuckled. He showed greater interest in our family and an appreciation for the labor-intensive nature of raising our current children. Positive changes started to occur in our life. In an effort to be more present, Danny started arriving home from work early and occasionally worked from home. He took on nighttime responsibilities, attended school functions, and assisted with homework! To the awe of our girls, my once-misled spouse even learned how to braid hair! “Observe, mother! My father braided my hair. One morning, Jessica smiled. “Darling, you did a great job,” I said. Danny gave me a gentle smile as we sat around the breakfast table one Saturday morning. He said, “I’ve been thinking.” Perhaps having a son isn’t the main reason. Maybe it has to do with appreciating our family. I returned the smile, a wave of warmth coursing through my chest. “Danny, that is all I have ever wanted.” We carried on having breakfast while chatting and laughing, the stress of the previous few weeks dissipating. We discovered true satisfaction during those carefree times spent with our girls. My spouse never again broached the subject of having a sixth kid after months had passed.
He had undergone a transformation, showing greater involvement and closeness to our family than before. He was loved by the girls, and there was laughing and happiness in our house.”Will you please attend my dance recital, Daddy?” One day Emily asked. Of course, my love. He said, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world. And he fulfilled his word! Every school play, every soccer match, and every recital he attended. His renewed love and care allowed our daughters to grow and thrive. Danny held my hand one evening while we watched our daughters play in the backyard. “I’m grateful, Lisa,” he murmured. “For all the things.” Tears were starting to spring up in my eyes as I squeezed his fingers. “I appreciate your understanding,” I answered. Although our path wasn’t simple, it helped us get closer. My spouse gained an appreciation for his family. And I mustered the courage to defend our daughters as well as myself. We were more resilient than ever, equipped to handle any difficulties life presented. And I knew we had found our happily ever after as we sat there under the evening sun, watching our girls chase fireflies.
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