When Millie Smith and Lewis Cann found out they were expecting a baby, they were overjoyed. As there was a history of twins in Millie’s family, she had a strong feeling that she was going to give birth to two little ones, and her instincts were right. The ultrasound confirmed that she was indeed expecting twins, but the doctors told them that one of the babies had a very small chance of survival.
ragically, one of their daughters was born at 30 weeks with anencephaly, a serious condition that affects the development of the brain and spinal cord. They learned that their precious baby had only moments or hours to live.
Knowing this, Millie and Lewis wanted to give her a name before they said goodbye. They chose the name Skye. Millie explained: “We felt she needed a name before she arrived. Knowing she wouldn’t be with us for long, I wanted her to have a name in those fleeting moments”.
The name “Skye” symbolized a connection to a place they could always remember when they looked up to the sky. “We held Skye close as she died. It was the most heartbreaking moment of our lives, but I’m proud that she fought to spend that time with us.” Skye only lived for three hours, a brief time filled with love while her parents cherished her beauty and presence.
After her death, Millie and Lewis were supported by a “bereavement midwife” and given access to a “Daisy Room”, a special room where parents could spend time with their baby before and after death. However, after Skye was gone, her memory seemed to fade; no one spoke of her, leaving Millie feeling like her daughter had never existed, which made her angry.
“Most of the nurses knew what had happened, but as the weeks went by, people stopped mentioning Skye. Other families around me had no idea about our loss”, Millie recalls.
While her other daughter, Callie, was still in the NICU, another mother who knew nothing about Millie’s situation remarked how lucky she was not to have twins. “None of the other parents knew about Skye, and that innocent comment almost broke me. I left the room in tears but didn’t have the heart to explain”, Millie said. “A simple sticker could have prevented this.”
This experience inspired Millie to design a sticker for incubators to mark the loss of one or more babies in a multiple birth. She chose butterflies to symbolise the ‘flown away’ babies and used the colour purple, which is suitable for any gender.
From this idea grew the Skye High Foundation, which promotes the Purple Butterflies initiative and helps raise awareness in hospitals around the world. The foundation also offers a range of purple butterfly merchandise.
“Although I can’t prevent these situations from occurring, I believe the more support we can provide through initiatives like the stickers, the better it will be for others who suffer this loss. It’s an incredibly tough journey”, said Millie. Today, her surviving daughter Callie is seven years old.
I’m a mom to a 9-year-old boy, and let me tell you, the mess in his room has been driving me up the wall!
The chaos in my son, Leo’s, room was legendary. Toys lay strewn across the floor like fallen leaves, clothes were draped over every available surface, and a mountain of dirty laundry threatened to engulf his bed. I’d nagged, I’d pleaded, I’d even resorted to threats, but nothing seemed to penetrate the fog of his youthful disorganization.
Then, my in-laws arrived for a barbecue. As the aroma of grilling burgers filled the air, I vented my frustrations to my mother-in-law, lamenting the eternal struggle against the tyranny of childhood clutter.
She listened patiently, a twinkle in her eye. “Oh, don’t worry, dear,” she said, “I’ll get him to clean it up.”
I raised an eyebrow, skeptical. “How, exactly?”
She simply smiled, a mischievous glint in her eyes. “You’ll see.”
And see, I did. My mother-in-law, with the grace of a seasoned magician, approached Leo, who was currently engrossed in a video game. She whispered something in his ear, her voice a low, conspiratorial murmur.
Leo, initially resistant, suddenly sprang to his feet, a look of excitement replacing his usual indifference. He bolted upstairs, a whirlwind of energy, leaving a trail of discarded toys in his wake.
Within an hour, a miracle had occurred. Leo’s room was transformed. Toys were neatly tucked away in bins, clothes were folded and placed in drawers, and the mountain of laundry had miraculously vanished. Even the dreaded “Lego death trap” lurking under the bed was miraculously cleared.
Astonished, I turned to my mother-in-law. “What did you say to him?” I demanded, my curiosity piqued.
She chuckled, her eyes twinkling. “Oh, I simply told him I had hidden a hundred dollars somewhere in his room. He had to find it before he could have any dessert.”
My jaw dropped. “You bribed him?”
“Of course,” she replied, “A little incentive never hurt anyone.”
And there it was. The secret to conquering the chaos of childhood: a little bit of bribery and a whole lot of grandma magic.
From that day on, I adopted my mother-in-law’s strategy. A misplaced toy? “I hear the tooth fairy is looking for a hiding spot for some extra special coins…” A forgotten chore? “I wonder where I put those extra movie tickets I was saving for you…”
Leo, initially skeptical, quickly learned the game. He became a cleaning machine, his room miraculously transforming into a haven of order and cleanliness whenever the “treasure hunt” was announced.
And while some might argue that bribery is not the most ethical parenting technique, I couldn’t help but admire my mother-in-law’s ingenuity. After all, in the battle against childhood clutter, a little bit of strategic maneuvering never hurt anyone.
Besides, who am I to argue with results? Leo’s room was cleaner than it had ever been, and I was finally enjoying a moment of peace and quiet. And that, I realized, was priceless.
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