Ever find yourself needing a quick pick-me-up during a long day? Laughter is the perfect antidote to stress and boredom. This collection of 11 jokes is sure to deliver a healthy dose of humor.
Get ready to chuckle your way through these hilarious jokes about everything from bar buddies to blundering farmers. Whether you’re a fan of witty wordplay or quirky animal antics, there’s something here to tickle everyone’s funny bone.
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform waddling into a bar | Source: Midjourney
1. Drink Down
A guy walks into a bar and orders two shots. He drinks both and leaves. He does the same thing every day for a while.
One day, the bartender asks, “Why do you always order two shots?”
The guy says, “My brother and I used to drink together all the time, but now he lives far away. So, one shot is for me, and one is for him.”
Two brothers laughing while sitting at a bar | Source: Midjourney
This goes on for a while, and then one day the guy only orders one shot.
The bartender worries and asks, “What happened? Is your brother okay?”
The guy replies, “Yeah, he’s fine. I just quit drinking.”
Man looking sad while sitting at a bar | Source: Midjourney
2. Penguin Parade
A police officer stopped a semi-truck driver and asked for his license and registration. The officer heard odd sounds from the trailer and decided to inspect it. He found 50 penguins inside.
“Why are there 50 penguins in your truck?” the officer asked.
“They’re my buddies,” the driver replied. “We enjoy traveling together.”
“You can’t just own 50 penguins,” the officer said. “You need to take them to the zoo.”
Police officer frowning next to a semi-truck holding a notepad | Source: Midjourney
The driver agreed and drove away. The next day, the same officer stopped the same truck and heard the same strange noises. He checked the trailer and found the same 50 penguins.
“I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!” the officer exclaimed.
“I did!” the driver responded. “They had a great time. Today, we’re going to the beach.”
Penguins walking through a regular sunny beach | Source: Midjourney
3. The Plasterer
A duck waddled into a pub and asked for a beer and a ham sandwich.
The bartender stared and said, “Hold on a sec! You’re a duck!”
“That’s pretty obvious,” the duck replied.
“And you talk!” shouted the bartender.
“And you hear well!” the duck said. “Now, about that beer and sandwich?”
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform sitting at a bar eating a sandwich | Source: Midjourney
“Oh, right, sorry,” the bartender said, pouring the duck’s beer. “We don’t get many ducks around here. What brings you in?”
“I’m working at that construction site over there,” the duck explained. “I’m a plasterer.”
The bartender was surprised, but let the duck be when he pulled out a newspaper to read.
The duck read the paper, ate his food, and left. He did this every day for two weeks.
A duck sitting at a bar reading a newspaper | Source: Midjourney
Then, the circus came to town. The circus manager came into the pub, and the bartender said, “Hey, you’re with the circus, right? I know a duck who’d be a star in your show! He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the paper… he’s amazing!”
“Is that right?” the circus manager said, handing the bartender his card. “Tell him to give me a call.”
The next day, when the duck came in, the bartender said, “Hey Mr. Duck, I think I found you a fantastic job that pays really well.”
“I’m always interested in new opportunities,” the duck said. “Where is it?”
“At the circus,” the bartender answered.
A circus in a field | Source: Midjourney
“The circus?” the duck asked.
“Yep,” said the bartender.
“The circus?” the duck asked again. “The one with the big tent?”
“Exactly!” said the bartender.
“With the animals in cages and people living in trailers?” asked the duck.
“That’s the one,” said the bartender.
“And the tent is made of that heavy fabric with a hole at the top?” the duck asked.
“That’s right!” said the bartender.
The duck shook his head and said, “Why would they need a plasterer?”
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform working as a plasterer | Source: Midjourney
4. Slowpoke Centipede
A man saw a sign at a pet store that said, “Talking Centipede $100.” He thought it was cool and bought it. When he got home, he opened the box and asked the centipede if it wanted to grab a beer. The centipede didn’t say anything, so the man thought he got ripped off.
After a while, he tried again. He shouted, “Want to go get a beer?” The centipede popped out of the box and said, “Be quiet! I heard you the first time! I’m putting my shoes on!”
A fairytale version of a centipede talking and putting on shoes inside a box | Source: Midjourney
5. Hell’s Handyman
An engineer died and went to Hell.
The devil was shocked because engineers don’t usually go there. Hell was a mess: the AC was busted, the pool was empty, and everything was broken.
The engineer got to work fixing things. He fixed the AC, filled the pool, and even made the roads better.
God saw that everyone in Hell was having fun, which wasn’t right. He asked the devil what was going on.
A cartoon version of God in Hell looking confused because people are having fun at the pool | Source: Midjourney
The devil said, “That engineer you sent here has been fixing everything. He’s made Hell a nice place!”
God said, “What? Engineers don’t belong in Hell! That was a mistake. Send him back so I can put him in Heaven!”
The devil said, “No way, we like him here.”
God said, “Send him back, or I’ll sue you!”
The devil laughed and said, “Where are you going to find a lawyer?”
A cartoon version of the devil in Hell shrugging with people having fun at the pool | Source: Midjourney
6. The Big-Time Lawyer
Joe left his small town to go to college and law school. He became a lawyer and went back to his hometown because he wanted to be a big deal there.
He opened his own office, but no one came at first. One day, he saw a man walking toward his office. Joe wanted to impress this man, so he pretended to be on the phone.
A man sitting on a desk in a tiny office talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
When the man walked in, Joe started talking loudly on the phone, saying things like, “No way! Tell those guys in New York I want $1 million! I’m going to court next week! My team is the best! We’re going to win for sure! Yeah, the judge already knows I’m right! No, I don’t care what they offer, we’re not backing down!”
He talked like this for a long time while the man waited. Finally, Joe hung up the phone and said to the man, “Sorry I took so long, I’m really busy. What can I do for you?”
The man answered, “I’m here to install your phone line.”
Man in uniform standing by the doorway of an office | Source: Midjourney
7. Chick Magnet
A man from the city moved to the countryside and wanted to try farming. He went to the farm store and said, “I’ll take 100 baby chicks.”
The store worker gave him the chicks.
A week later, the man came back and said, “I need 200 baby chicks this time.” The worker gave him the chicks.
Another week passed, and the man returned. He said, “Give me 500 baby chicks.”
“Wow,” the worker said, “you must be doing great!”
A man dressed as a farmer smiling with small chicks nearby | Source: Midjourney
“Nope,” the man sighed. “I’m either putting them in the ground too deep or too far apart.”
8. Bachelors
Two single guys were chatting, and they started talking about cooking.
“I got a cookbook last year,” the first guy said, “but I couldn’t make anything from it.”
“Was it too hard?” the second guy asked.
“Totally! Every recipe started the same way: ‘Get a clean plate and…'”
A man holding a cookbook in a kitchen with a sink full of dirty plates | Source: Midjourney
9. Copy That?
A new worker was puzzled by the office shredder.
“Want some help?” offered a nearby secretary.
“Yes,” he said, “how do I use this?”
“Easy,” she replied, taking his thick report and putting it in the shredder.
“Thanks,” he smiled, “but what side do the copies come out?”
Man shrugging confused next to a paper shredder in an office hallway | Source: Midjourney
10. Whoa, Amen!
A man got lost in the desert. After wandering for weeks, he found a small house. He was tired and weak, so he crawled to the house and fainted.
The owner of the house, a kind and religious man, found him and helped him get better. When the man felt stronger, he asked for directions to the nearest town.
As he was leaving, he saw a horse. He asked the owner if he could borrow it. The owner agreed but said, “To make the horse go, say ‘Thank God.’ To make it stop, say ‘Amen.'”
A horse drinking water from a puddle next to a small house in a deserted area | Source: Midjourney
The man didn’t really listen and said, “Okay, sure.” He got on the horse and said, “Thank God,” and the horse started walking. He said, “Thank God, thank God,” and the horse started running. Feeling brave, the man shouted, “Thank God, thank God, thank God!” and the horse went even faster.
Suddenly, he saw a cliff ahead. He tried to stop the horse, yelling, “Whoa, stop!” Then he remembered, “Amen!”
The horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff. The man took a deep breath and said, “Thank God.”
Man looking scared riding a horse | Source: Midjourney
11. Nutty Natter
A man went into a bar and ordered a beer. As he was drinking, he heard a voice say, “Nice tie!” He looked around, but he and the bartender were the only ones there. Then the voice said, “I like your shirt!” Confused, the man called the bartender over.
“Am I losing it?” he asked. “I keep hearing voices telling me nice things, but no one else is here.”
“It’s the peanuts,” the bartender answered.
“What?” the man asked.
“The peanuts,” the bartender said again. “They’re complimentary.”
Peanuts in a smiley face bowl on a bar counter | Source: Midjourney
My Ex Demanded I Pay Him Back Every Penny He Spent on Me — I Made Him Wish He Never Asked
As if being cheated on wasn’t enough, my ex-boyfriend texted me out of the blue, making monetary demands! After I got over the shock, I devised a cunning plan that would be replicated down the line. I made him regret ever making the request!
A woman reacting in shock while looking at her phone | Source: Pexels
So, here’s the deal. My ex, Dan Brown, and I had been together for five years. Things were great until they weren’t. When we broke up because of his cheating, I thought that was the end of it. Boy, was I wrong!
What made me think we were all done was that we had no contact for a while. I believed he’d moved on with the woman he cheated on me with, but that wasn’t the case. A month after our breakup, Dan suddenly reappeared last week, daring to text me with a ludicrous demand!
A serious-looking man texting | Source: Pexels
When you hear what it was, you’ll also agree that his request was the pettiest, leading it to be almost comical! His message was him asking me to pay him back for every penny he ever spent on me. Seriously!?
Dan was asking for money for all the gifts he’d bought me for special days like my birthdays, Christmas, and New Year’s! That man had LITERALLY calculated every penny he’d spent, leading to a large sum!
A confused-looking woman looking at her phone | Source: Pexels
“You need to pay me back EACH and EVERY penny!” he demanded. He didn’t even bother greeting me before making demands! The nerve of this guy! At first, I was stunned! Who does that? But then, the more I thought about it, the more it made me laugh!
Instead of texting him and telling him how pathetic he was for making such a request, I chose to hold my tongue. I didn’t even brag to Dan about how the amount he wanted wasn’t more than what I had spent on HIM for those same days. After all, we had been together for long enough.
A woman giving a man a wrapped gift | Source: Pixabay
Initially, I asked him, “But throughout our relationship, you said I didn’t have to pay you back?” I was shocked when he replied, “It doesn’t matter. I need that money now, so hurry up.” I thought about ignoring him, but then a brilliantly mischievous plan started to form in my head.
I came up with a better plan to exact my revenge and decided to play along but with a twist! “Sure thing, Dan,” I texted back, “I’ll pay you back.” His response came within seconds, filled with self-righteous triumph:
“Good. I knew you’d come to your senses.”
A man texting | Source: Pexels
Little did he know, I had something else in mind. I set up a direct debit to send him ONE penny a day. One single, solitary penny. I remember the exact moment I hit the final confirmation button on my bank’s app.
My best friend, Emily, was sitting across from me at our favorite café. She was watching my every move with a mixture of curiosity and amusement. “What are you doing?” she asked, leaning over the table. “I’m paying Dan back,” I said with a grin.
Two friends having beverages at a café | Source: Pixabay
Emily’s eyebrows shot up. “How?”
“One penny a day.” Her eyes widened, and then she burst out laughing. “No way! That’s genius!” We both laughed until tears streamed down our faces! Our laughter attracted a few curious glances from other patrons. But I didn’t care.
The most exciting part about this whole thing was that I had added the reference “cheating [expletive].” It showed up with each payment made daily. This was the best plan I’d ever come up with!
Two friends laughing at a café | Source: Pexels
A week later, Dan texted me again. “What the hell, Stacy? Why am I getting pennies from you?” I couldn’t help but laugh as I read his message. “I told you I’d pay you back,” I replied. “It’ll take a while, but you’ll get your money.”
He called me immediately, his voice boiling with anger. “This isn’t funny, Stacy! I want my money NOW!”
“Well, Dan,” I said calmly, “you’re getting it. One penny at a time.”
“Stop this nonsense right now!”
“Or what? You’ll take me to court? Go ahead.”
A woman smiling while talking on the phone | Source: Pexels
I figured from now on, he’d think about me daily for the next SEVEN years since he decided to mess with me! He hung up, and I felt a surge of satisfaction. Dan had always been controlling, always needing to have the upper hand. This was the first time I felt like I had the power, and it felt AMAZING!
Months went by, and the daily penny transfers continued. Emily and I would joke about it often, wondering how long it would take before my ex finally snapped. Every time I saw that single penny deducted from my account, it felt like a small victory!
A woman smiling while looking at her phone | Source: Pexels
One day, I got another message from Dan. But this time, it wasn’t filled with anger. “Please, Stacy. Just stop this. I get it. You win.” I thought about it for a while. He had been a jerk, but did I really want to keep this up forever?
I decided it was time to end the penny payments, but not without one final touch. I withdrew the remaining amount I owed him in pennies and nickels and placed them in a small box. It was a hefty little package. I decorated it with a nice bow and included a handwritten note:
“Here’s the rest of what I owe you. Have a nice life, Dan.”
Lots of coins on a table | Source: Pixabay
I mailed it to his apartment. The thought of him opening the box, finding hundreds of pennies and nickels, and realizing he’d lost his battle filled me with immense satisfaction. A few days later, I got a message from Dan. It read, “You’re insane.”
I showed it to Emily, and we laughed until our stomachs hurt! “You know, I think he’s finally realized he messed with the wrong person,” she said, still chuckling.
Two friends laughing | Source: Pexels
In the end, this little revenge plan wasn’t just about getting back at Dan. It was about reclaiming my sense of control and humor after a relationship that had taken so much out of me. And it worked. I felt lighter, freer, and ready to move on!
Months passed, and my ex faded into a distant memory. Life was good. Emily and I graduated, and we both landed jobs in the city. One evening, while we were out celebrating a promotion, Emily raised her glass and said:
“To the best revenge plot ever executed.”
Two friends celebrating with a toast | Source: Pexels
I raised mine too, happy to be honored. “To the best friend who helped me through it,” I replied, clinking my glass against hers. And just like that, Dan and his ridiculous demands were behind me. I learned that sometimes, the best way to handle pettiness is with a little bit of creativity and a whole lot of humor!
Years after my little revenge plot, I found myself telling the story to a new friend, Jenny. She had been going through a rough breakup. But she was sharp and had a knack for turning the tables in ANY situation.
Two friends talking while working | Source: Pexels
After hearing my story, Jenny smiled and said, “You know, that gives me an idea.” I raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”
“Yeah. My ex, Jake, just demanded I pay HIM back for a trip we took together. I think I can take a page out of your book.”
A few weeks later, I got a call from her. “Remember how I said I had an idea?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, I told Jake I’d pay him back, too. But I set up a monthly payment of ten cents! I even made it a direct debit from my account!”
Someone using their banking details for a transaction | Source: Pexels
I laughed, remembering my own scheme. “How’s he taking it?”
“He’s FURIOUS! Keeps texting me to stop, but I remind him I’m paying him back, just like he asked.”
“Sounds like you’ve got this under control,” I replied, laughing at her ex’s misery.
“Thanks to you,” Jenny said. “I don’t feel powerless anymore.”
Two women hugging | Source: Pexels
We chatted for a while longer, sharing stories and laughing about our past relationships. Jenny’s plan wasn’t just about revenge; it was about regaining power like I had. As we ended the call, I felt a sense of pride.
Not only had I managed to turn a ridiculous demand into a source of empowerment for myself, but I’d also inspired someone else to do the same. And that felt EVEN better than the revenge itself!
A happy woman smiling | Source: Pexels
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