A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
I Heard a Young Woman on the Street Singing the Same Song My Daughter Sang Before Going Missing 17 Years Ago, So I Went Closer
I was walking home from work one day, thinking about the bills I had to pay that evening. But as I turned the corner onto the town square street, a familiar melody suddenly reached my ears and stopped me in my tracks.
It was the song I used to sing with my daughter Lily before she disappeared from our lives 17 years ago.
It was a song I’d made up just for her, a little lullaby about a field of flowers and sunlight that would brighten her dreams. No one else would know it. No one.
A man with his daughter | Source: Pexels
But here it was, clear as day, sung by a young woman standing across the square, eyes closed, with a serene smile.
The song reminded me of when our little girl filled our home with warmth and joy. She was the center of our world, and her sudden disappearance left a gaping hole in our lives that never fully healed.
Suddenly, all the worries disappeared from my mind that day, and I felt my legs carrying me forward like I had no control.
A man standing outdoors | Source: Midjourney
My mind kept saying it was impossible, that it couldn’t be, but my heart pushed me forward.
The woman looked familiar, painfully so. Dark hair fell in soft waves around her face, and looking at her smile made me think I’d seen it a thousand times in old photos and my own memories.
She even had a dimple on her left cheek, just like Cynthia, my wife.
It all seemed too incredible, too much to believe, but there was this pull. A feeling only a parent could know.
Could this be my Lily?
A woman singing a song | Source: Midjourney
I felt so nervous as I moved closer. I watched as she finished the song and opened her eyes. She caught me staring but looked away as the crowd clapped for her.
Thank you all for listening! she said with a wide smile. “Have a great day!”
Then, her gaze met mine, and she noticed the strange expression on my face.
“Looks like you didn’t like my performance,” she said, walking over. “Was I that bad?”
“Oh, no, no,” I chuckled. “I, uh, that song is special to me. It’s very special.”
A man talking to a girl | Source: Midjourney
“Oh, really?” she asked. “It’s super special for me too. You see, it’s one of the few memories from my childhood. I’ve been singing it ever since I can remember. It’s the only thing I have left from back then.”
She looked like she was about to leave, so I blurted out, “What do you mean by that?”
“It’s a long story,” she replied as she glanced at her watch. “Maybe some other time.”
A young woman looking away while talking to a man | Source: Midjourney
“Please, I’d like to hear it,” I urged, my heart pounding. “I’ll buy you a coffee and we can talk if you don’t mind.”
She paused, studying me for a second, then nodded. “Well… sure, why not?”
We walked over to the café and settled into a corner booth. The more I looked at her, the more familiar she seemed. Her eyes, her smile, and even her voice felt like home.
It felt like a missing piece of my life had suddenly fallen into place.
A man sitting in a café | Source: Midjourney
“You have a beautiful voice,” I said, trying to keep my composure.
“Thank you,” she smiled. “I was actually just passing through town for work when I heard that band playing. They were asking if anyone wanted to sing, and well, I just had to.”
“That song… where did you learn it?” I asked.
A man talking to a younger woman | Source: Midjourney
She sighed, looking down at her coffee. “I didn’t ‘learn’ it exactly. It’s just… it’s the only thing I remember from my childhood. I used to sing it, or hum it, all the time. My adoptive parents said it was like my own little anthem.”
“Adoptive parents?” I asked, barely keeping my voice steady.
She nodded.
A girl sitting in a café | Source: Midjourney
“Yeah. I was… taken in by a family when I was five. They told me my real parents had died in a car accident. They even showed me photos from the newspaper,” her face softened, eyes misty.
“They were kind to me, gave me toys, and treated me well. But I always missed my real parents. With time, I started to believe my adoptive parents were the only family. But as I grew older, I had this nagging feeling that I was missing something, that maybe they weren’t telling me the whole truth.”
A teen girl standing outdoors | Source: Pexels
I could feel my hands shaking.
“And… did you ever find out the truth?” I asked carefully.
“I tried,” she said. “You see, when I got older, my adoptive parents tried to make it official. They wanted to legally adopt me. They told me I should say I wanted to stay with them. So, I did.”
A woman talking to an older man | Source: Midjourney
“But when I turned 18,” she continued. “I started questioning everything. I tried to find my real parents, but I guess I didn’t have enough information. I tried reaching out to anyone who might have known me before, but my records didn’t match any missing children. I had so few details to go on.”
She paused, looking down at her hands. “It’s just this song that I have now. It reminds me of them.”
The pieces were starting to fit.
A man looking at a woman | Source: Midjourney
A part of me wanted to call for a DNA test right there to confirm what my heart already knew, but a part of me was too terrified to believe it.
“Do you remember anything else about your real parents? Besides this song?” I asked.
“It’s all so blurry. I remember being happy, though, before everything changed. I think my name was Lily?” She laughed nervously. “But I can’t be sure. My adoptive parents called me Suzy, and after a while, that’s all I responded to.
I couldn’t believe her words.
A worried man | Source: Midjourney
“M-my daughter,” I stammered. “Her name was Lily too.”
Her head snapped up. “Are you serious?”
I nodded, fighting back tears. “She went missing when she was five, and that was 17 years ago. We never found any answers. But we never stopped hoping. My wife’s name is Cynthia, by the way.”
She gasped, her eyes going wide.
“My… my mom’s name was Cynthia too,” she whispered. “I remember it clearly because she always used to make me say her and my father’s name. Are you… are you John?”
A young woman | Source: Midjourney
“Yes,” I held her hand. “I’m John.”
We just sat there for a moment, looking at each other in stunned silence. And then, like a dam breaking, the tears came. We held each other, both crying as years of longing, confusion, and grief flooded over us.
It was as if all the lost years, the endless nights of wondering, finally found their answer.
“Dad?” she whispered, her voice shaking.
“Yes, Lily,” I managed, my voice breaking. “It’s me… it’s us.”
A man looking straight ahead | Source: Midjourney
After a while, I asked Lily if she’d like to meet her mother.
My hands shook as I called a taxi once she agreed to follow me home.
We didn’t talk much during the ride home. I just kept wondering how all this was happening. It was too good to be true.
When we arrived, I asked Lily to wait by the door because I knew Cynthia would need a moment to process everything. However, she knew something was wrong the moment I stepped inside.
A woman sitting in her living room | Source: Midjourney
“What happened?” she asked. “Are you alright?”
“Cynthia, there’s something I need to tell you,” I said, touching her shoulders.
Then, I told her everything that happened during the last few hours.
“Oh God, oh God,” she said in tears. “No, no. It can’t be. That’s impossible, John!”
I held her hands and tried to calm her down.
“It’s true, Cynthia. Our Lily’s back,” I smiled.
“Where is she? Where’s our Lily?” she asked.
A woman talking to her husband | Source: Midjourney
“She’s here, behind the door,” I replied, my own eyes welling up with tears.
On hearing this, Cynthia sprang from her chair and ran to the door, flinging it open. She started sobbing when she saw our little girl, now all grown up, standing at the door.
“Mom?” Lily asked hesitantly. “Is-is that you?”
“Oh my God… my baby,” Cynthia cried, pulling her into her arms.
They clung to each other, both crying as if they could make up for all the years they’d missed. My heart swelled with joy as I watched them cry.
A man standing in a living room | Source: Midjourney
After a while, we all sat down together, catching up on the years we’d lost. Lily shared stories of her life and struggles, and we told her how we could never have a child again.
Finally, Cynthia took a deep breath.
“Lily… would you be willing to, uh, confirm, with a DNA test?” She looked apologetic. “It’s just that after all this time, I just need to be sure.”
Lily nodded, smiling softly. “I understand, Mom. I’d like that too.”
A woman holding an older woman’s hand | Source: Pexels
We scheduled a test, and within a week, the results confirmed what we already knew.
Lily was ours, and we were hers.
Our home was soon filled with laughter, tears, and stories of the life we’d missed out on. Lily moved in with us temporarily and each day felt like a small miracle.
I’ll never forget that ordinary evening on my way home from work when an old lullaby reunited a family that had been torn apart. Life has a strange way of bringing back what we thought we’d lost forever.
If you enjoyed reading this story, here’s another one you might like: Living a quiet life with her son, Jasmine never expected a message from a stranger to shake her world. But when a man named Robert claimed to be her half-brother, she uncovered secrets buried deep in her family’s past.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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