A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
50-Year-Old’s Epic Comeback to Workplace Mockery Will Inspire You!
At 50, I believed my career was over. But when I started working at a fast-paced startup, I soon became the target of a jealous young colleague. What happened next was more than just a struggle for respect; it led to a surprising twist that changed everything.
After losing my husband, I felt lost, like a ship without a direction. Days blended together, and finding a new purpose seemed impossible.
The psychology degree I had put aside years ago suddenly felt like my last hope. So, I decided to pull it out and use it in my 50s.
Source: Midjourney
When I got an internship at an IT startup, I couldn’t believe it. Technology wasn’t really my thing
But I thought, “Why not? This might be the fresh start I need.”
My new boss, Liam, was 28 years old. He was smart, driven, and focused only on one thing: success. Profits, growth, numbers.
People? Not so much.
In our first meeting, Liam hardly looked at me. I could feel his doubt.
“So, I was thinking,” I started carefully. “It might be good to focus on building stronger connections within the team…”
Liam cut me off. “We’re growing fast. I need results. What do you suggest?”
“Well, it’s about finding balance.”
“You’re just an intern, right? Just listen and repeat,” he said, turning back to his laptop.
That was it. The conversation ended. I left the office feeling defeated.
Maybe I am too old for this.
I needed a fresh viewpoint, so I called my best friend Jake.
Jake had always been my rock, especially after my husband died. There were days I couldn’t even get out of bed, but Jake was always there, helping me through the grief.
We decided to meet at our usual café, a cozy place where time seemed to slow down.
Jake was there when I arrived.
“Hey, Mary. You look like you’ve got a lot on your mind,” he said, waving me over.
I sat down. “I don’t know, Jake. This new job is tougher than I thought. Liam’s young, and he only cares about numbers and profits.”
“Liam, huh? The young boss you mentioned?”
I sighed. “Yes. He doesn’t care about people. I shared some ideas, but he dismissed them.”
“Sounds like he’s missing the bigger picture,” Jake said. “You’ve been through a lot. You know how to help people connect. Why not use that?”
I looked at him, puzzled.
“What do you mean?”
“Remember that emotional support program you wrote as your thesis? Why not offer it as the team-building event? It’s what you know best, and it works.”
I thought for a moment. He was right. The program had helped me regain my strength after my husband passed.
“Maybe you’re onto something,” I said, feeling a bit hopeful. “I’ll pitch the idea to Liam.”
Jake smiled. “That’s the spirit! And remember, if anyone can reach a guy like him, it’s you.”
With renewed confidence, I approached Liam the next day. After explaining the team-building event, I watched his face, hoping for interest.
“Okay, Mary. Let’s give it a try,” Liam said, though his tone was flat.
“Thanks, Liam. I’ll make sure the team benefits.”
Suddenly, I saw Lora standing outside the office, clearly listening to us. She stepped into my way as I tried to leave.
“Team-building, huh? Sounds like a big project,” she said, her eyes sparkling with something I couldn’t quite place.
“It should help everyone connect better,” I said, trying to stay positive despite feeling uneasy around her.
“Liam agreed to this? Surprising, since he’s not really into this soft stuff.”
I shrugged. “He’s willing to try, so that’s something.”
She paused and smiled too brightly.
“Hey, since you’ll be busy organizing the activities, why don’t I handle the logistics? I’m good at that kind of thing.”
I hesitated; something felt off. Still, I didn’t want to seem untrusting, especially since I was new.
“That will be helpful,” I said. “Thanks, Lora.”
“No problem! I’ll take care of everything.”
At the time, I had no idea she had her own plans. I was just grateful for the assistance.
The day of the team-building event was supposed to be my chance to shine. But when I got to the venue, there was nothing. No decorations, no people, and no sign of an event.
Something was wrong. As I stood there, staring at the empty room, my phone rang. It was Liam.
“Mary, where are you? Everyone’s here waiting. You said you’d run this thing, and now you’re not even here!”
Panic hit me. “What!? Liam, I’m at the location I arranged. No one’s here.”
“What location?” His voice grew cold. “The whole team’s at the new place Lora said you picked.”
Lora. Of course.
It was a trap, and I had fallen for it. That was her way of making me look bad in front of Liam.
“I’m on my way,” I said before hanging up.
I called Jake. “Jake, I need your help. Fast.”
“What happened?”
“Lora changed the location for the team-building without telling me. I can fix it, but it needs to be at my place, not Lora’s. I need you to bring everyone to my house.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll be there soon,” he said immediately.
I hurried home, just in time to set things up.
I arranged tables on the terrace, lit lanterns, and made the garden feel warm and inviting. My nerves were high, but I wasn’t going to let this defeat me.
Jake arrived with the entire team in his van. They stepped out, looking confused but curious about the cozy setting.
The event was going better than I expected. People paired up, laughing and chatting, their usual office facades dropping away. The atmosphere in my garden worked its magic.
Liam, who had always seemed serious, was finally loosening up. He moved around, talking to everyone, even smiling.
I noticed Lora and Liam chatting together. I got a bit closer, curious about what they were saying.
“This place is really nice,” Lora said, looking around.
“Yeah, I have to admit, it’s different from the usual corporate events.”
Lora laughed lightly. “Different is good, right? We often get stuck in our little bubbles at work.”
Liam leaned back in his chair. “You’re right. I didn’t realize how much the team needed this. We focus so much on results, we forget something important.”
I saw them both relaxing. For a moment, I felt a sense of satisfaction.
Maybe this event would help them connect in more ways than one.
I caught Lora watching me from across the garden. Even though the evening went well, I sensed this wasn’t over.
As the night came to an end and people started leaving, I saw Lora with Liam near my wardrobe. Lora looked around and picked up a stack of papers, flipping through them quickly.
“Hey, Mary,” she called out. “What’s this? Something important?”
Liam’s face turned red with anger when he noticed the papers in Lora’s hands. He grabbed them.
“What the hell are these doing here?” he snapped, glaring at me. “I prepared these for a meeting with investors. I left them on my desk, Mary.”
I opened my mouth to explain, but he didn’t let me.
“Don’t act innocent. It’s obvious now. You’re working for the competition, aren’t you? I trusted you!”
“No, Liam, I…” I started, but he waved me off.
“We’ll talk later. Stay out of my way for now.”
With that, he stormed out. I turned to Lora.
She smirked. “I didn’t think those documents were that important. I just wanted to teach you a lesson.”
“A lesson? You’ve ruined everything!”
Still, I believed the real Lora, the one I’d seen laughing with Liam earlier, was still in there somewhere. But at that moment, she chose to be her worst self.
I sank into a chair, feeling completely defeated. Jake came over, putting a hand on my shoulder.
“Everything happens for a reason, Mary. Don’t give up yet.”
When I got a message from Liam asking to meet the next day at the office, I felt nervous, but I decided to go in with my head held high.
The next afternoon, I walked into the office with a heavy heart. I saw both Liam and Lora there.
“Mary, I… I need to apologize,” Lora began, her voice shaky. “I was the one who moved the location for the team-building event. I wanted to make you look bad, and… I also planted those documents on your desk.”
“Why?” I asked, barely believing her.
Lora sighed, looking down.
“I was jealous. I thought you were stealing Liam’s attention from me, and I let that cloud my judgment. But after the team-building event and hearing what you said… I realized how wrong I was.”
Liam, who had been quiet, stepped forward.
“She’s telling the truth, Mary. Honestly, I’m grateful for what you did.” He looked at me, his tone softer. “That night in your garden, I felt like a normal person again. I started to notice things I hadn’t in years. It was a wake-up call.”
He glanced at Lora and winked, making her blush. I couldn’t help but smile. It seemed the relaxed atmosphere of that evening did more than I hoped.
Liam turned back to me. “Mary, your methods worked. From today, I’d like to make it official. You’ll be the company’s emotional recovery coach.”
I was stunned, then broke into a smile. “Really? Thank you, Liam.”
Liam added, “And we’ve got more to celebrate. The morning meeting with the investors went great. So, I’m inviting the whole team to stay after work tonight for pizza. Let’s make it a tradition!”
I laughed, feeling lighter than I had in weeks. The weight of uncertainty was gone. I had found my path and could focus on helpingWhen I got an internship at a tech startup, I couldn’t believe my luck. Technology wasn’t really my area of expertise, but I thought, “Why not? This might be the fresh start I need.”
My new boss, Liam, was 28 years old. He was smart, ambitious, and very focused on one thing: success. He cared a lot about profits, growth, and numbers, but not so much about people.
In our first meeting, Liam hardly looked at me. I could sense his doubt.
“So, I was thinking,” I started carefully. “Maybe we should focus on building stronger connections within the team…”
He cut me off, “We’re growing fast. I need results. What are you suggesting?”
“Well, it’s about creating a balance.”
“You’re an intern, right? Just listen and repeat,” he said, already turning back to his laptop.
That was it. The conversation was over. I left feeling deflated.
Maybe I’m too old for this.
I needed a new perspective, so I called my best friend, Jake.
Jake had always helped me, especially when times were tough. After my husband passed away, there were days I couldn’t even get out of bed. But Jake was there, cheering me on when I struggled with my grief.
We decided to meet at our favorite café, a cozy place nearby where time seemed to slow down.
Jake was already there when I arrived.
“Hey, Mary. You look like you’ve got a lot on your mind,” Jake said, waving me over.
I sat down and sighed. “I don’t know, Jake. This new job… It’s harder than I expected. Liam’s young, and he’s all about numbers and profits.”
“Liam, huh? The boss you mentioned?” Jake asked.
“Yeah. He doesn’t care about people. I shared some ideas, but he just brushed them off.”
“Sounds like he’s missing the bigger picture,” Jake replied. “You’ve been through so much. You know how to bring people together. Why not use that?”
I looked at him, puzzled.
“What do you mean?”
“Remember the emotional support program you created for your thesis? Why not offer that as a team-building event? You know it works.”
I thought for a moment. He was right. The program had helped me heal after losing my husband.
“Maybe you’re onto something,” I said, feeling a bit more hopeful. “I’ll pitch the idea to Liam.”
Jake smiled. “Now you’re thinking. And remember, if anyone can reach a guy like him, it’s you.”
With renewed confidence, I approached Liam the next day. After explaining the team-building idea, I watched his face, hoping for some interest.
“Alright, Mary. Let’s give it a shot,” Liam said, though he didn’t sound too excited.
“Thanks, Liam. I’ll make sure the team benefits from it.”
Suddenly, I noticed Lora, who had been standing outside the office, clearly eavesdropping. She stepped in front of me before I could walk by.
“Team-building, huh? Sounds like a big project,” she said, her eyes sparkling with something I couldn’t quite place.
“It should be a good way to connect everyone,” I said, trying to stay upbeat despite the uncomfortable tension I felt with her.
“Liam agreed to this? Surprising. He’s not into this soft stuff.”
I shrugged. “He’s willing to try, so that’s something.”
She paused and smiled a bit too brightly.
“Hey, since you’ll be busy organizing, why don’t I handle the logistics? I’m good at that kind of thing.”
Something about her offer made me hesitate. Still, I didn’t want to seem untrusting since I was new.
“That would be helpful,” I said. “Thanks, Lora.”
“No problem! I’ll take care of everything.”
I had no idea she had her own plans. I was just thankful for the help.
The day of the team-building event was my chance to prove myself. But when I arrived at the venue, there was nothing—no decorations, no people, and no sign of an event.
Something was wrong. As I stood there, my phone rang. It was Liam.
“Mary, where are you? Everyone’s here waiting. You said you’d be running this thing, and now you’re not even here!”
Panic hit me. “What!? Liam, I’m at the location I arranged. No one’s here.”
“What location?” His voice was sharp. “The whole team’s at the new place Lora said you picked.”
Lora. Of course.
It was a setup, and I had walked right into it. That was her way of making me look incompetent in front of Liam.
“I’m on my way,” I managed to say before hanging up.
I called Jake. “Jake, I need your help. Fast.”
“What happened?” he asked.
“Lora changed the location for the team-building without telling me. I can make it work, but it needs to be at my place, not Lora’s. I need you to bring everyone to my house.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll be there soon,” he said.
I rushed home with just enough time to prepare.
I set up tables on the terrace, lit lanterns, and made the garden inviting. I was nervous, but I wasn’t going to let that ruin everything.
Jake arrived with the entire team packed into his van. The employees spilled out, looking confused but intrigued by the cozy setting.
The event went better than I imagined. People paired up, laughing and chatting, their usual office masks dropping away. The atmosphere in my garden worked its magic.
Liam, who had always been so serious, was finally relaxing. He moved from group to group, engaging in conversations and even smiling.
At one point, I noticed Lora and Liam together. I edged closer, curious about what they were saying.
“This place is really nice,” Lora said, looking around the garden.
“Yeah, it’s different from the usual corporate events,” Liam replied.
Lora laughed. “Different is good, right? Sometimes we all get stuck in our office bubbles.”
Liam leaned back. “You’re right. I didn’t realize how much the team needed this. We’re always pushing for results and overlooking something important.”
I felt a sense of satisfaction watching them let their guards down. Maybe this event would bring them closer in more ways than one.
I caught Lora looking at me from across the garden. Even with the evening going smoothly, I sensed this wasn’t the end of her games.
As the night wound down and people began to leave, I noticed Lora with Liam near my wardrobe. Lora glanced around and reached for a stack of papers, flipping through them quickly.
“Hey, Mary,” she called out. “What’s this? Something important?”
Liam’s face turned red when he saw the papers in her hands. He snatched them away.
“What the hell are these doing here?” he snapped, glaring at me. “I prepared these for a meeting with investors. I left them on my desk, Mary.”
I opened my mouth to explain, but he cut me off.
“Don’t act innocent. It’s clear now. You’re working for the competition, aren’t you? I trusted you!”
“No, Liam, I…” I tried to explain, but he waved me off.
“We’ll talk later. Stay out of my way for now.”
He stormed out, leaving me with Lora.
She smirked. “I didn’t think those papers were that important. I just wanted to teach you a lesson.”
“A lesson? You’ve ruined everything!”
Still, I believed there was a better version of Lora, the one I’d seen laughing with Liam earlier, but she chose to be her worst self at that moment.
I sank into a chair, feeling defeated. Jake came over and placed a hand on my shoulder.
“Everything happens for a reason, Mary. Don’t give up yet.”
When I received a message from Liam asking me to meet him the next day, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I decided to go in with my head held high.
The next afternoon, I arrived at the office feeling heavy-hearted. When I walked in, I saw both Liam and Lora there.
“Mary, I… I need to apologize,” Lora began, her voice shaky. “I was the one who moved the location for the event. I wanted to make you look bad, and… I also planted those documents on your desk.”
“Why?” I asked, hardly believing her.
Lora sighed and looked down.
“I was jealous. I thought you were stealing Liam’s attention from me, and I let that cloud my judgment. But after the event and hearing you speak, I realized how wrong I was.”
Liam, who had been quiet, stepped forward.
“She’s telling the truth, Mary. And honestly, I’m grateful for what you did.” He looked at me, his tone softer. “That evening in your garden, I didn’t just feel like the boss. I felt like a regular person again. I started noticing things I hadn’t in years. It was a wake-up call.”
He glanced at Lora and winked, making her blush. I couldn’t help but smile, realizing the relaxed atmosphere had done more than I hoped.
Liam turned back to me. “Mary, your methods worked. So, from now on, you’ll be the company’s emotional recovery coach.”
I was stunned for a moment and then broke into a big smile. “Really? Thank you, Liam!”
“And we have more to celebrate. The investor meeting went great. I’m inviting the whole team to stay after work tonight for pizza. Let’s make it a tradition!”
I laughed, feeling lighter than I had in weeks. The weight of uncertainty was gone. I had found my pathIt looks like you’re interested in a story about navigating workplace dynamics, personal challenges, and the journey of self-discovery. This narrative explores the protagonist, Mary, as she faces challenges in her internship at a tech startup. She encounters a young and ambitious boss, Liam, who prioritizes numbers over people, and a competitive colleague, Lora, who tries to undermine her.
The turning point comes when Mary decides to pitch a team-building event based on her emotional support program, which ultimately transforms the team’s dynamics. Despite obstacles, including Lora’s manipulations, Mary’s efforts lead to a more positive work environment and her own empowerment, as she eventually becomes the company’s emotional recovery coach.
If you’d like to delve deeper into themes like workplace relationships, personal growth, or strategies for effective team-building, feel free to ask!
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