While celebrating a new life and transitioning into a new role, a mother found herself struggling to get a moment alone after she welcomed her daughter. A time that was meant to be exciting for her and her husband led to them having a big fight over their parenting roles.
In the whirlwind of joy and exhaustion in the early days of parenthood, a mother found herself longing for a mere moment of quietness and alone time. She took to Reddit to share her frustrations. She started off by explaining that she had only had her child for two weeks. Her daughter was strictly breastfeeding, but in addition to cluster feeding, she realized her daughter found comfort in being close to her.
A mother holding her new born | Source: Shutterstock
This meant that her new role allowed her little to no time alone. “I’ve showered once by myself since having her, and it only lasted long enough for me to soap up before she was crying and my husband was bringing her into the bathroom with me. I think I literally had all of 2-3 minutes,” she wrote.
On the contrary, she noticed her husband’s life had not changed. He still got to have long and uninterrupted showers every day but never understood why his showers frustrated his wife.
Each time she was in the shower, and the baby would cry, her husband would bring their newborn to her to calm her down. It made her angry that he did not even try to calm the baby down on his own, but his excuse was that the child loved showers, and seeing her cry hurt him deeply.
A mother with her baby | Source: Shutterstock
As sweet as his fears sounded, the Redditor still needed to find a way to get a full self-care routine without a baby being handed over to her. So, she decided to call in help. She asked her mother to watch her daughter as she showered. Her husband was not there when she reached out to her child’s grandmother, but when he arrived, he asked what his mother-in-law was doing at their house.
Surprisingly, he was angry at his wife’s decision to call her mother just to take a shower. “I could have watched her. Why would you do that?” he asked, to which the Redditor responded, “Every time you watch her while I shower, she ends up in here with me within 2 minutes of me being in here because you don’t even try to calm her down.”
A mother with her baby | Source: Shutterstock
Therefore, after five days of trying to shave her legs, she could not wait to enjoy the warm water hitting her body and relaxing her muscles. “I need to self-care,” the Redditor emphasized.
The original poster’s honest account of her experience as a new mother erupted in a chorus of voices from commenters sharing their own experiences and offering support. One commenter challenged the husband’s logic and suggested, “If, according to hubby, showers calm her down, why isn’t he taking her on his 30-60 minute showers?”
A mother looking stressed with her child | Source: Shutterstock
Another suggestion was for the OP to lock the door as a temporary solution and to teach her husband a lesson on respecting someone’s privacy. Another Reddit user said the husband made himself look bad in front of his mother-in-law, but it was time he realized that he could also parent his daughter without always running to his wife.
The discussion took a deeper dive into the dynamics of communication and support within the relationship. Commenters pointed out the absurdity that the husband had been more concerned about his wife calling her mother rather than making sure that his wife’s well-being was attended to. “You found a way around it. And now, even knowing how hard it’s been for you, he’s still not actually concerned about you; he’s just worried about how it looks to your mum,” remarked a commenter.
A man sitting next to a crib looking stressed | Source: Shutterstock
One mother said her husband once interrupted her hair appointment but she had a serious conversation with him and made him look back at the number of haircuts he had had since their baby arrived. She told him never to interrupt her alone time unless it was an emergency, so the commenter advised the OP to have the same stern conversation with her husband.
A couple fighting | Source: Shutterstock
Another commenter shared a personal story of how her husband had slacked at the beginning of their parenting journey and how she eventually found a way to work as a team. The mother said her baby was a bit fussy on the first night home and she would always take the lead and calm her down.
But after three days, she put on earplugs and requested her husband only wake her up when the baby needed a feed and let her partner take care of the baby during the night, which led to a more equitable parenting dynamic.
The commenter added that allocating responsibilities helped them both understand the difficulty and joy of caring for a newborn, but it also allowed them to foster empathy and understanding. “That night, my partner became an equal parent,” the commenter added.
Here is a story about a newborn who cried nonstop no matter what the parents did. But they eventually realized the answer to their child’s misery was in the crib.
My Daughter-in-Law Ruined the Vacation I Had Been Dreaming of — So I Showed Her the Importance of Respect
Now don’t get me wrong, she wasn’t annoying me because I was a mean mother-in-law (MIL) who hated her. But because of her selfish question. It seemed I was expected to always be around. “I am going on a vacation to the Bahamas. I already bought the tickets and booked myself at a lovely hotel.”
My son and DIL exchanged surprised looks before staring at me as if I’d grown a second head. “This is so unlike you, mom. Who are you going with?” I rolled my eyes at George’s response. He’d somehow forgotten that before he had kids, I was jetsetting every few months!
“That’s not true my love. I used to travel all the time when my time was mine,” I replied a bit irritated. I couldn’t believe how clueless he’d become when it came to my life. “Well, where are we going to get someone to babysit the kids for free every day?”
I realized at that moment that I’d spoiled these two. “Your parents are a start, Sarah. Arrange play dates with your friends’ children or something, I don’t know,” I said in frustration. Why was I the one who had to figure out what THEY did with their own children?
It dawned on me how much I had made them dependent on me. It wasn’t my intention, I think I took the Gam-Gam role a bit too far, and I so loved my little munchkins! They gave me so much to live for. But I was tired and needed a break.
Without waiting for their response, which I anticipated would make me angry, I turned to leave. “I will send you the details of when I leave, where I’ll be staying, and when I’ll return. Toodles!” I heard them falling over themselves as they tried to catch up to my quick stride.
They were LITERALLY trying to get ME to tell THEM what to do with their children! But I was having none of it and quickly closed the door before rushing to my car and driving away. Yes, I felt like I was escaping and running away from my responsibilities and I HATED that feeling!
When I arrived home, my DIL had left several voice messages that I had no intention of listening to. My therapist was the one who made me realize I was overworked and needed some time off. I was oblivious to that as I continued stretching myself to my limits.
She, my therapist, knocked it into my head that I was overcompensating by trying to be the best MIL and grandmother while losing myself. I stuck to my promise and sent George and Sarah all the details of my travels as a courtesy.
The next few weeks were filled with Sarah trying to convince me to leave with the kids. When she wasn’t trying to do that, she tried to get me to stay and not leave. “I need to do this for ME, Sarah. You won’t understand,” I explained, trying to get her off my back.
If my DIL wasn’t the one pestering me, my son got in on it. But with the words of my therapist playing in my head, “Stick to your guns. You are doing this for YOUR well-being,” I remained resolute in my decision.
When the fateful day came, I announced my departure to my son and left. For two glorious days on vacation, I had nothing but massages, long beach walks, drank piña coladas, and enjoyed the sunsets!
On the third day, my mood was spoiled when I suddenly received a disturbing message from my DIL. “George is on his business trip, my parents have house repairs, and I’m going on MY retreat,” her text began.
“And you know what? It’s in the Bahamas!! Isn’t it amazing? We’re already boarding, I need you to watch the kiddos!” Annoyed is an understatement for what I was feeling! I couldn’t understand, so HER parents have repairs, and I have a vacation, so I can babysit the kids?!
I was MAD AS HELL! I was practically seething! This time I leaned on my own faculties and decided to teach her a lesson on mutual respect. When they pitched, I was my usual affectionate self to my grandbabies and hugged and kissed them.
I then spent an hour bonding with the pair while Sarah mumbled about how SHE had to MEDITATE tomorrow. But the next day, I got an irritated call from her. “WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? WHERE ARE YOU?!” she had the nerve to demand.
All calm and relaxed as I had anticipated that type of response, I answered, “I’m at the spa, getting a massage. Why do you ask?” Sounding more frustrated, my DIL replied, “Why would you not answer your phone?!”
“The kids have been driving ME crazy, and I need a break!” I had finally had enough of her nonsense and took a deep breath before responding. “I hear you talking about what YOU need and want, but have you asked ME what my plans are?”
“Has it even occurred to YOU to find out if I WANT to babysit during MY vacation and time away?” I heard her gasp as she tried cutting in all respectful this time, saying, “Mrs. Thomas, I…” But I cut her off and continued my rant.
“Do you know what I am doing here, huh? Do you even CARE?” My voice went up a notch. “You receive what you deserve, Sarah. And maybe it’s time for YOU and George to learn a lesson about respect!”
My DIL was stunned into silence. She realized for the first time in two years the depth of her imposition. Her voice had softened as she stammered, “I… I didn’t think… I just assumed…”
I wasn’t done with her as I replied, “That’s exactly the problem we have, you assumed and KEEP assuming. I love my grandkids, but I also NEED my own time.”
“This was MY vacation. It’s time I took off so I can recuperate and have some self-care.” I could hear from the silence on the other side that Sarah was feeling guilty. She was FINALLY understanding where I was coming from.
“I’ve given you and Georgie two long years of my love and dedication.” I shared how I’d stretched myself because I wanted to be a good MIL and grandmother. I also wanted to be there for them as they transitioned into parenthood.
But then I went too far as they kept demanding more and more of my time. I confessed to my DIL that I started feeling burnt out. Yet, because I hadn’t felt the feeling before, I didn’t realize what was happening to me.
A friend I confided in suggested I see her therapist. That’s when it finally clicked that I was wearing myself thin. I was quite upset as I ended my rant by stating, “Next time, respect MY plans and ask, don’t just assume I’m here to serve your convenience!”
Sarah paused for a long time on the other end of the line and I was about to say something when she finally sighed. It appeared she finally understood the weight of my words and where I was coming from.
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I should have asked. I’ll make other arrangements,” my DIL replied, sounding defeated. I won’t lie, I felt a tinge of regret for how I approached things, but decided it was something that had to be done.
After all, as they say, people treat the way you teach them to. I thanked her for understanding. “Now, I’m going to enjoy the rest of my vacation. I suggest you find a way to enjoy yours too, without relying on me.”
I didn’t wait for a response before hanging up and felt the most serene wave of satisfaction! I had stood up for myself and drew boundaries that taught my DIL a valuable life lesson! I happily returned to my massage, content that I would not be disturbed anymore.
I felt the stress melt away from my body as the masseuse kneaded longstanding knots that had built up over the years. I was pleased to know that I had managed to reclaim my well-deserved break.
Unfortunately, Mrs. Thomas isn’t the only person who’s had to take measures to teach people important lessons. Mark’s mother kept nagging his pregnant wife to the point that the younger woman had to leave. Not wanting his mother to miss her mistake, Mark found a clever way to teach the parent about respect and boundaries.
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