For weeks, my neighbor’s underpants stole the spotlight outside my 8-year-old son’s window. When he naively questioned if her thongs were slingshots, I decided it was time to put an end to this panty parade and teach her a valuable lesson in laundry etiquette.
Ah, suburbia! The grass is usually greener on the other side, mostly because your neighbor’s sprinkler system is superior to yours. That’s where I, Thompson’s wife Kristie, opted to establish roots with my 8-year-old son Jake. Life was as smooth as a freshly botoxed forehead until Lisa, our new neighbor, came in next door.
It began on Tuesday. I remember because it was wash day, and I was folding a mountain of tiny superhero underwear, courtesy of Jake’s recent obsession.
Looking out his bedroom window, I almost choked on my coffee. A pair of hot pink, lace underwear flew in the breeze like the world’s most indecent flag.
And they were not alone. Oh no, they were not alone — a full rainbow of underpants was dancing in the breeze in front of my son’s window.
“Holy guacamole,” I muttered, dropping a pair of Batman briefs. “Is this a laundry line or Victoria’s Secret runway?”
Jake’s voice piped up behind me, “Mom, why does Mrs. Lisa have her underwear outside?”
My face burned hotter than my malfunctioning dryer. “Uh, sweetie. Mrs. Lisa just… really likes fresh air. Why don’t we close these curtains, huh? Give the laundry some privacy.”
“But Mom,” Jake persisted, his eyes wide with innocent curiosity, “if Mrs. Lisa’s underwear likes fresh air, shouldn’t mine go outside too? Maybe my Hulk undies could make friends with her pink ones!”
I held back a laugh that threatened to blossom into a wild sob. “Honey, your underwear is… shy. It prefers to stay inside where it’s cozy.”
As I ushered Jake out, I couldn’t resist thinking, “Welcome to the neighborhood, Kristie. Hope you brought your sense of humor and a sturdy pair of curtains.”
Days stretched into weeks, and Lisa’s laundry service became as routine as my daily coffee, and as welcoming as a cold cup of coffee with a splash of curdled milk.
Every day, a new set of panties appeared outside my son’s window, and I found myself playing the awkward game of “shield the child’s eyes.”
One afternoon, while I was cooking a snack in the kitchen, Jake burst in, his face etched with bewilderment and eagerness, making my mom-sense prickle with fear.
“Mom,” he started, in that tone that always preceded a question I wasn’t prepared for, “why does Mrs. Lisa have so many different colored underwear? And why are some of them so small? With strings? Are they for her pet hamster?”
I almost dropped the knife I was using to spread peanut butter, picturing Lisa’s response at being told her delicates were rodent-sized.
“Well, honey,” I stammered, buying time, “everyone has different preferences for their clothes. Even the ones we don’t usually see.”
Jake nodded sagely as if I’d imparted some great wisdom. “So, it’s like how I like my superhero underwear, but grown-up? Does Mrs. Lisa fight crime at night? Is that why her underwear is so small? For aerodynamics?”
I choked on air, caught between laughter and horror. “Uh, not exactly, sweetie. Mrs. Lisa isn’t a superhero. She’s just very confident.”
“Oh,” Jake replied, little disappointed. Then his face brightened up again.
“But Mom, if Mrs. Lisa can hang her underwear outside, can I hang mine too? I bet my Captain America boxers would look super cool flapping in the wind!”
“Sorry, buddy,” I said, ruffling his hair. “Your underwear is special. It needs to stay hidden to, uh, protect your secret identity.”
As Jake nodded and munched on his lunch, I looked out the window at Lisa’s colorful underwear display.
This could not continue on. It was time to talk with our exhibitionist neighbor. ?.
The following day, I marched over to Lisa’s place.
I rang the doorbell, flashing my best “concerned neighbor” smile, the same one I use to assure the HOA that “no, my garden gnomes are not offensive, they’re whimsical.”
Lisa responded, appearing as if she had just come out of a shampoo advertisement.
“Oh, hi there! Kristie, right?” she frowned.
“That’s right! Listen, Lisa, I hoped we could chat about something.”
She leaned against the doorframe, eyebrow raised. “Oh? What’s on your mind? Need to borrow a cup of sugar? Or maybe a cup of confidence?” She glanced pointedly at my mom jeans and oversized t-shirt.
I took a deep breath and reminded myself that jail orange is not my color. “It’s about your laundry. Specifically, where you hang it.”
Lisa’s flawlessly groomed brows furrowed. “My laundry? What about it? Is it too fashion-forward for the neighborhood?”
“Well, it’s just that it’s right in front of my son’s window. The, um, underwear especially. It’s a bit exposing. Jake’s starting to ask questions. Yesterday, he asked if your thongs were slingshots.”
“Oh, honey. They’re just clothes! It’s not like I’m hanging up nuclear launch codes. Although, between you and me, my leopard print bikini bottoms are pretty explosive!”
I felt my eye twitch. “I understand, but Jake is only eight. He’s curious. This morning, he asked if he could hang his Superman undies next to your, uh, ‘crime-fighting gear’.”
“Well, then, sounds like a perfect opportunity for some education. You’re welcome! I’m practically running a public service here. And why should I care about your son? It’s my yard. Toughen up!”
“Excuse me?”
Lisa waved her hand dismissively. “Listen, if you’re that bothered by a few pairs of panties, maybe you need to loosen up. It’s my yard, my rules. Deal with it. Or better yet, buy some cuter underwear. I could give you some tips if you’d like.”
And with that, she slammed the door in my face, leaving me standing there with my mouth open, likely gathering flies.
I was stunned. “Oh, it is ON,” I muttered, turning on my heel. “You want to play dirty laundry? Game on, Lisa. Game. On.” ?
That night, I sat at my sewing machine.
Yards of the most gaudy, eye-searing cloth I could locate sat before me. It was the type of cloth that could be seen from space and perhaps even attract alien life forms!
“You think your little lacy numbers are something to see, Lisa?” I muttered, feeding the fabric through the machine. “Wait till you get a load of this. E.T. will phone home about these babies.”
After hours, I finished creating the world’s largest and most irritating pair of granny panties. ?
They were large enough to serve as a parachute, loud enough to be heard from space, and just insignificant enough to prove my argument.
If Lisa’s underwear was a whisper, mine was a fabric-covered foghorn.
That afternoon, as soon as I saw Lisa’s car leave her driveway, I sprung into action.
With my improvised clothesline and gigantic flamingo underpants ready, I dashed across our lawns, ducking between plants and lawn ornaments.
With the coast clear, I hung my handiwork just in front of Lisa’s living room window. Stepping back to examine my work, I couldn’t help but smile.
The enormous flamingo undies fluttered gloriously in the afternoon air. They were so enormous that a family of four could certainly use them as a tent while camping.
“Take that, Lisa,” I whispered, scurrying back home. “Let’s see how you like a taste of your own medicine. Hope you brought your sunglasses, because it’s about to get BRIGHT in the neighborhood.”
Back at home, I took up a position beside the window. I felt like a kid waiting for Santa, but instead of gifts, I was waiting for Lisa to uncover my small surprise.
The minutes passed like hours.
Just as I was wondering if Lisa had chosen to turn her errands into a surprise holiday, I heard the familiar sound of her car approaching the driveway.
It’s show time.
Lisa stepped outside, arms full of shopping bags, and froze. Her mouth dropped so quickly, I thought it could detach. The bags slid from her fingers, scattering their contents across the driveway.
I swear I spotted a pair of polka-dot panties rolling across the yard. Lisa, you are so classy.
“WHAT THE HELL…??” she screeched, loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear. “Is that a parachute? Did the circus come to town?”
I burst into laughter. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I watched Lisa dash up to the enormous undies and grab at them futilely. It was like witnessing a chihuahua attempt to take down a Great Dane.
Composing myself, I strolled outside. “Oh, hi Lisa! Doing some redecorating? I love what you’ve done with the place. Very avant-garde.”
She whirled on me, face as pink as the undies of my creation. “You! You did this! What is wrong with you? Are you trying to signal aircraft?”
I shrugged. “Just hanging out some laundry. Isn’t that what neighbors do? I thought we were starting a trend.”
“This isn’t laundry!” Lisa shrieked, gesturing wildly at the undies. “This is… this is…”
“A learning opportunity?” I suggested sweetly. “You know, for the neighborhood kids. Jake was very curious about the aerodynamics of underwear. I thought a practical demonstration might help.”
Lisa’s mouth expanded and closed, like a fish out of water. Finally, she sputtered, “Take. It. Down.”
I tapped my chin thoughtfully. “Hmm, I don’t know. I kind of like the breeze it’s getting. Really airs things out, you know? Plus, I think it’s bringing the property values up. Nothing says ‘classy neighborhood’ like giant novelty underwear.”
For a moment, I thought Lisa might spontaneously combust. Then, to my surprise, her shoulders sagged. “Fine,” she said through gritted teeth. “You win. I’ll move my laundry. Just… please, take this monstrosity down. My retinas are burning.”
I chuckled, extending my hand. “Deal. But I have to say, I think flamingos are your color.”
As we shook on it, I couldn’t help but add, “By the way, Lisa? Welcome to the neighborhood. We’re all a little crazy here. Some of us just hide it better than others.”
Lisa’s laundry has been missing from the clothesline in front of Jake’s window since that day. She never addressed it again, and I never had to cope with her “life lessons” either.
And me? Let’s just say I now have a really unusual set of curtains made of flamingo fabric. Don’t waste, don’t want, right?
Jake was slightly bummed that the “underwear slingshots” were no longer available. But I informed him that sometimes being a superhero entails keeping your undergarments a secret. What if he ever sees huge flamingo undies flying through the sky? Mom is protecting the neighborhood with outrageous pranks! ?
Hidden signs in Kate Middleton picture expose bizarre editing
After numerous theories and speculations regarding Kate Middleton’s health and a recent photo of her taken by TMZ, she and William shared a photo of the Princess and her three children on Mother’s Day.
Judging from the photo, Kate is indeed doing well after her surgery in January.
She poses on the patio with Prince George, Princess Charlotte, and Prince Louis surround her. They are all smiling and look absolutely adorable.
“Thank you for your kind wishes and continued support over the last two months. Wishing everyone a Happy Mother’s Day,” the caption on the Prince and Princess of Wales’ official Instagram account read. It was signed “C,” meaning Kate herself had written it.
https://www.instagram.com/p/C4U_IqTNaqU/embed/captioned/?cr=1&v=14&wp=540&rd=https%3A%2F%2Fboreddaddy.com&rp=%2Fhidden-signs-in-kate-middleton-picture-expose-bizarre-editing%2F%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR1xlAcdN5Yf1eYWTYcte01FnsuklvQPkW5WTkT1-T0Da11ApCmc7_Nn3ak#%7B%22ci%22%3A0%2C%22os%22%3A2722.5%2C%22ls%22%3A880.2999999998137%2C%22le%22%3A2712.7000000001863%7D
As expected, the photo was shared worldwide and was picked up but every single media outlet out there.
The comments under the photo came pouring in with a great number of people wishing Kate a speedy recovery.
According to some royal experts, Kate opted to post a photo in order to put a stop to the speculations surrounding her surgery and her recovery.
“They [Kensington Palace] are trying to send a clear message to both the public and the press to respect Kate’s privacy on this medical matter,” royal historian Kate Williams said. “What they’re trying to say is Kate is recovering, she’s fine, no more worries, no more panic, no more speculation.”
She added: “I think the last thing they [Kensington Palace] want is for her to feel she can’t go out and walk in case she’s going to be photographed.”
Shortly after the photo of the happy family was released, some started questioning its authenticity because as they claimed, the photo was obviously edited.
“Professional photographer here. Look closely at Princess Charlotte’s wrist. This is what happens when you composite layers in Photoshop. I’m not speculating on why the photo was edited like this, but it’s weird,” portrait photographer Martin Bamford wrote on X.
Some edit fails, as noticed by experts, were Princess Charlotte’s missing sleeve and blurred skirt and Kate’s misplaced zip.
Others noticed that Kate wasn’t wearing her ring and her hand around Louis was “blurry.” Her wrist and jumper sleeve were also manipulated by photoshop according to many, as well as her chin.
“The more you look at this, the worse it gets. the hands, the fact some parts are so blurry and some so sharp, the way Charlotte is apparently balancing in that position, there is literally a crease in the step, the reflection in the window doesn’t match,” one user wrote on X.
“Not really kept up with this whole conspiracy theory, but this photo is SOO DODGY two of their hands look very weird as if they’re AI generated, and the girls arm has 100% been photoshopped and her skirt also looks weird as f— as well?” another user added, continuing, “but if it’s a real photo – *why* would they edit it so much and so badly? they’re not stupid they would’ve seen all the rumours going about, releasing an awfully edited photo only fuels them.”
Shortly after, The Associated Press, Reuters, Getty Images, and Agence France-Presse all decided to issue “kill notices,” which are advisory notices to remove or not use a specific photo.
“It appears that the source has manipulated the image,” the Associated Press notification read.
They also released a statement, saying, “The Associated Press initially published the photo, which was issued by Kensington Palace. The AP later retracted the image because at closer inspection, it appears that the source had manipulated the image in a way that did not meet AP’s photo standards. The photo shows an inconsistency in the alignment of Princess Charlotte’s left hand.”
Speaking to GB News, Dr Hany Farid, a professor of computer sciences, said the work on Princess Charlotte’s sleeve looked like a “bad Photoshop job.”
“I clearly see what is being referenced here, with respect to her sleeve. It looks like a bad Photoshop job. I know we talk a lot about AI lately but it is still possible to use traditional photo-editing tools,” Farid said. “What you would be worried about here is if Kate wasn’t in this photo and had been digitally inserted. This would be a dramatic manipulation.”
On top of that, Kate not wearing ring fueled the rumors that something isn’t right between her and William.
Kate’s office decided to respond to the rumors by issuing a statement in which they explain that the reason why the Princess doesn’t have the ring on her finger is that she’s at home. They further added that it was William himself who took the photo.
Although the Palace didn’t comment on the edited photo, Kate herself decided to explain why the image had “flaws.”
On her and William’s official X account, she wrote, “Like many amateur photographers, I do occasionally experiment with editing. I wanted to express my apologies for any confusion the family photograph we shared yesterday caused. I hope everyone celebrating had a very happy Mother’s Day. C.”
Kensington Palace has later confirmed it “would not be reissuing the original unedited photograph of Kate and her children.”
According to royal expert Katie Nicholl, the Palace would be under much pressure following the issue with the photo.
“What’s so major in all of this is that four international picture agencies have killed this image. That’s really rare,” Nicholl said.
“I can’t think of a a time since I’ve been doing this job for the best part of 15 years where a royal image has been recalled. So that’s highly unusual. It might force Kensington Palace’s hand.”
On top of the pressure she faces, Kate now has to deal with another “problem” that’s giving her headaches, her uncle’s participation in the reality show Celebrity Big Brother. Since entering the house, he spoke of his niece on several occasions and opened up about Harry and Meghan, too.
“Clearly, whatever’s happened to Catherine, she’s probably feeling fragile – mentally as well. To have a serious setback like this at the prime of your life, it must knock your confidence, and so she’ll be fragile at this stage in her recovery and to have this thrown at her. She must just be thinking, ‘Why, why, why did Uncle Gary have to do this? ‘I imagine she’s thoroughly depressed about it,” royal expert Jennie Bond told the Mirror.
“I think that Gary comes from a good place in his heart. If he talks about her it’s – in his view – to give her side of the story, give her a mouth, a voice, when he knows she can’t off the back of allegations made of her,” Bond added.
“But I think it’s the last thing she’d want – if Catherine or William want to say anything, they will say it. They don’t need anyone else to, least of all someone within their own family – and they don’t have that strong connection anyway.”
Leave a Reply