Marriage has its ups and downs, but there’s always space for laughter. The daily moments between husbands and wives can be heartwarming and funny, as shown in these jokes.
From surprising notes to clever replies, these seven jokes showcase the playful side of marriage. Whether you’re married or just enjoy a good laugh, these stories will make you nod in agreement and chuckle at their unexpected turns.
1 The Note Under the Bed
In any marriage, there can be moments of frustration, especially when one spouse feels unappreciated. This joke takes that idea to the extreme when a wife tries to teach her husband a lesson with a note, only to be shocked by his reaction.
A woman, upset that her husband was late coming home again, left a note saying, “I’ve had enough and left you. Don’t bother looking for me.” She then hid under the bed to see how he would react.
After a short time, the husband came home. She could hear him in the kitchen and saw him go to the dresser to pick up the note. After a few minutes, he wrote something on it and called someone.
“She’s finally gone… Yes, I know, about time, right? I’m coming to see you. Put on that sexy nightie. I love you… Can’t wait to see you… We’ll do all the fun things you like.”
He hung up, grabbed his keys, and left. When she came out from under the bed, furious and in tears, she grabbed the note to see what he wrote…
“I can see your feet. We’re out of bread. Be back in five minutes.”
2 The Pharmacist’s Explanation
Sometimes, simple misunderstandings can blow up, leading to confrontations. This joke humorously shows how quickly a situation can escalate when assumptions are made, only for the truth to make everyone laugh.
When a husband came home, he found his wife crying. She said, “The pharmacist insulted me on the phone this morning!”
Angry, the husband drove to the pharmacy to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology. But before he could speak, the pharmacist said, “Wait, let me explain. This morning, my alarm didn’t go off, and I woke up late.”
“I skipped breakfast and rushed to the car, only to realize I locked my house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then I drove too fast and got a speeding ticket. While driving to work, I had a flat tire. By the time I opened the pharmacy, there was already a line. And the phone wouldn’t stop ringing.”
He added, “I had to break a roll of coins to make change, but they spilled everywhere. When I stood up, I hit my head on the cash drawer, and all the perfume bottles fell and broke. Then the phone rang, and it was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer, and all I did was tell her.”
3 The Family Secret
Family secrets can be surprising and funny. In this joke, a young man is excited about his upcoming marriage until his father reveals some shocking news, leading to a hilarious twist.
One Sunday morning, George rushed into the living room and shouted, “Dad! Mom! I have great news! I’m marrying the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away, and her name is Susan.”
Later, George’s dad pulled him aside and said, “Son, we need to talk. Look at your mom. We’ve been married for 30 years. She’s a great wife and mom, but she’s not very exciting. I used to cheat on her, and Susan is your half-sister, so you can’t marry her.”
George was heartbroken. After eight months, he started dating again. A year later, he proudly said, “Diane said yes! We’re getting married in June.”
Again, his father pulled him aside to share more bad news. “Diane is your half-sister too, George. I’m sorry.”
George was furious! He went to his mother with what his father said. “Dad is ruining my life. I guess I’ll never get married. Every time I like a girl, Dad says she’s my half-sister.”
His mother laughed and said, “Don’t listen to him. He’s not really your father.”
4 The Fried Eggs Incident
Everyday tasks like cooking breakfast can lead to funny arguments between spouses. This joke turns a simple breakfast into a humorous look at how we all sometimes feel the need to give advice, especially when the roles are reversed.
A wife was making fried eggs for breakfast when her husband burst into the kitchen.
“Careful!” he said. “Put in more butter! You’re cooking too many at once! Turn them! We need more butter! Oh no, they’re going to stick! Be careful! You never listen to me when you cook! Hurry! Don’t forget to salt them!”
The wife stared at him. “What’s wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry eggs?”
The husband calmly replied, “Sure you do. I just wanted to show you how it feels when I’m driving.”
5 The Supermarket Strategy
Shopping in a busy supermarket can be stressful, especially if you lose track of your spouse. This joke shows how resourceful one husband can be when looking for his wife, with a touch of humor.
In a supermarket, Ivan lost sight of his wife. He approached a young lady and asked, “Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?” asked the lady, confused by Ivan’s request.
“It’s always the same. As soon as I start talking to a pretty woman, my wife pops up out of nowhere.”
The Flu Revelation
Being stuck at home with the flu is never fun, but this joke shows how a man’s sickness revealed his wife’s true feelings in a surprising and funny way. Sometimes love can be found in unexpected situations.
A man visited a friend who had been sick with the flu for weeks.
“How was it?” the man asked.
“Surprisingly wonderful,” the friend replied.
“How so?” the man asked.
“Well, I found out how much my wife loves me and how happy she is to have me home.”
“How do you know?”
“Every time the postman, the milkman, or the trash collector comes by, she runs out shouting, ‘My husband is home! My husband is home!’”
The Late-Night Approach
Sometimes sneaking in late after a night out doesn’t go as planned. In this joke, two husbands compare how they deal with their wives when they come home late, revealing that a more direct approach can be the best way.
Two married friends were out drinking when one said, “I don’t know what to do. When I come home after drinking, I turn off the headlights before I get to the driveway. I coast into the garage, take off my shoes before entering the house, sneak upstairs, change in the bathroom, and slip into bed, and my wife still wakes up and yells at me for staying out too late!”
His friend replied, “You’re doing it wrong. I drive into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, flush the toilet loudly, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, and jump into bed saying, ‘Do you want to make love?’ And every time, she acts like she’s sound asleep!”
Science Shows That Women Sleep Better Next To Dogs Than Men
The importance of sleep for one’s health should go without saying. The ideal approach to obtain restful sleep is a topic of great interest to a large number of researchers. But forget about meditating before bed and drinking chamomile tea. It has been found that women sleep better when their dogs are nearby. That’s correct, a study by Canisius College in New York State revealed that dogs make more comfortable sleeping companions than either people or cats.
Christy Hoffman, Ph.D., an animal behaviorist and the study’s chief researcher, said, “We found that women commonly rate dogs as better bed partners than cats and human partners and report that their dogs enhance their sleep quality.”
According to Research, Women Sleep Better Next to Dogs
Hoffman arrived at these conclusions after surveying almost a thousand American women. According to the findings, 31% of the participants and 55% of the participants shared a bed with a cat or a dog. Moreover, 57% of these ladies slept in the same bed as a human companion, compared to the other 40%.[1]
Hoffman also found out why dogs appeared to be the most comfortable bedmates.The first explanation is that dogs’ sleeping habits more closely reflect human sleep patterns than those of cats.
Hoffman stated, “It is not surprising that dogs and cats have different sleep schedules because dogs’ major sleep periods tend to coincide more closely with humans’ than do cats’.”
Even though these similar sleeping habits might have advantages, additional research is necessary to be certain. However, Hoffman has some ideas about how this might function.
She said, “Dogs may be better at accommodating their human’s sleep schedule than human bed partners.” Human bed companions frequently go to sleep and wake up at significantly different times from one another. Sleep disruption is undoubtedly a result of schedule discrepancies between spouses. It’s possible that canine bed companions adjust to their owner’s schedule more easily than do human bed partners.
Dogs also need specific routines and obligations, like an early morning stroll. These kinds of regimens support their users in sticking to a schedule, which enhances the quality of their sleep.
Calm and Safety
Dogs also have a tendency to remain rigid during sleep. Anyone who has ever shared a bed with a fidgety partner understands how annoying they can be. Nonetheless, the study’s female participants stated that, in contrast to cats, who tended to come and go, their dogs spent the most of the night on the bed.
This implies that cats might be more prone than dogs to disturb sleep by getting in and out of bed at different times. Furthermore, Hoffman stated, “We discovered that dog owners tended to go to bed and wake up earlier than cat owners and also adhered to more regular bedtime and wake time schedules.”
The third and most crucial reason is that dogs provide their owners a sense of security.more so than in relationships with humans or even cats.
“Some dog owners may find solace in the knowledge that their pet will notify them in the event of an intruder or other emergency; also, a dog’s barking may dissuade a possible invader. Hoffman stated that whereas a dog may offer psychological consolation, a cat is less likely to assume this function.
The Ideal Sleep Partner
Dogs are the ideal sleeping companions, according to the study, although their advantages vary depending on the situation.A dog might, for instance, snore or overheat the bed. Furthermore, a lot of owners report that their cats aid in their ability to go asleep.
Remember that the study relied on the volunteers’ perceptions of the effects of their pets on the quantity and quality of their sleep. Therefore, further impartial study is required before it can be said with certainty that dogs make better sleeping companions. Nonetheless, Hoffman thinks that since pets are common in American homes, these research might be helpful.
“This line of research will be valuable to develop a clearer picture of the contexts under which co-sleeping with a pet may be detrimental to one’s sleep quality, and the contexts under which pets and their presence in their owner’s bed may positively impact sleep quality,” the spokesperson stated.
For example, studies have indicated that women sleep better on their alone than in the company of a human, but many people hold the opposite view. In the future, scientists may employ Fitbit-like gadgets to measure people’s sleep quality objectively under various sleeping scenarios.
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