According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
Son Kicks Out His Father Because He Refuses to Pay Rent to Stay In His House – Story of the Day
I spent years of my life wanting to take revenge on my father because he abandoned me when I needed him the most. When life gave me the chance to do it, I thought twice.
One day I opened the door and I saw someone I didn’t expect. It was my dad. I hadn’t seen him for ages. In fact, I didn’t want to.
“Hi, son. I’m sorry to come like this. I tried to call you but you didn’t answer your phone,” he told me.
“Yeah, what do you want?”
“I was wondering if maybe I could stay with you… I don’t have a place right now, so…”
I found my dad sleeping on the streets. | Source: Pexel
“You can stay. But you have to pay rent.”
“But I don’t have any money at all… and you’re the only person who can help me.”
“I don’t care,” I said, feeling my heart tighten. “You can live on the street. I wish God had taken you instead of mom!”
I slammed the door and my wife was just behind me. She was pissed with what just happened but she had no idea what I went through with this man. She pushed me to tell her, so I did.
It all started when I turned 18. My mom had passed away 2 years before that, so I think my dad was still adapting to taking both roles. He prepared a surprise birthday party and everything. After we celebrated, he asked me what I was planning to do with my living situation and I was like, what the heck?
He told me I was an adult and if I wanted to stay with him in the house, I needed to pay some kind of rent. I was so angry. Pay rent? To my own father?! What’s wrong with him?
My dad prepared a surprise birthday party for me. | Source: Pexel
He continued with his argument saying that was normal and I had to grow up. When I told him I’d rather live in a dorm in college than pay him rent, he said he couldn’t afford college and I had to pay for it myself. That I should either get a job or a loan.
“I felt betrayed, Julie. I didn’t expect that. That’s why I left,” I told my wife.
Julie said my father reached out to her a few days earlier and that she gave him our address. That’s right, she didn’t tell me anything either…
I got into an argument with my wife because of my dad. | Source: Pexel
And then, she suggested I forgive my father. “It’s been years,” she said.
But no. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want to forgive him. He was the one who threw me out like some kind of stray dog. “No, Julie, I work 24/7 to at least, eat normally. And he? He just abandoned me! No forgiveness!” I told her.
“Come on, honey, he’s your father!”
“So what? You don’t know! You don’t understand… Only my mom truly loved me. And she would have never allowed him to kick me out of my own house and…”
In the heat of our fight, I stepped out and went for a walk. | Source: Pexel
“Nick,” Julie interrupted me, “do you know your father’s side of the story? I mean you lost your mom but he lost his wife… Have you thought about how this affected him as well?”
“You know what? THAT’S ENOUGH!” I shouted, “I don’t want to hear it!! I’m done…”
Julie almost burst into tears. We barely fought and I knew she was trying to help me. I decided to get some fresh air and went for a walk.
I saw a man sleeping on a bench and I recognized him. | Source: Pexel
When I passed by some benches, I couldn’t believe my eyes. I spotted a man sleeping on one but I thought it was a hobo. But I looked a second time and I knew I knew him from somewhere… it was my dad!
“Dad, wake up! Are you OK?”
He woke up straight away, “Nick, is that you?!”
“Yes, dad, I’m really sorry! I just…”
“I just wanted you to do good in life and…”
“Shh, easy dad, that’s okay, that’s okay.”
He burst into tears. “I thought if you had to pay rent then maybe… maybe you would move on. I wanted to help you, son. You were just sitting on the couch. You weren’t doing anything.” He continued, visibly emotional, “I wanted to motivate you to get a job and live your life.”
My dad got emotional when I found him. | Source: Pexel
“I know I couldn’t pay for your college because I invested the money into my business and… I was gonna give the business to you. But I lost everything, Nick.”
I finally understood what Julie meant. His part of the story. Everything he did was with good intentions. So I couldn’t leave him like that. I knew I was the only person he had left.
“No, dad,” I replied. “If it wasn’t for you, I would have stayed on the couch and achieved nothing. You pushed me for good and I needed to get out of my comfort zone.”
“Yes, that’s what I wanted, Nick.”
“I know, dad. But I didn’t see it that way. I thought you betrayed me. But because you did what you did, now I have a great job and a beloved family. And that’s all thanks to you!”
He was so happy when we decided to forgive each other. | Source: Pexel
“I know I did a lot of things… I know I hurt you, son. Can you forgive me?”
“No, it’s you who should forgive me, dad!” Suddenly, I felt something shifting inside of me. I had been practicing meditation a lot and one of them was about forgiveness. I could never truly forgive my father before, but that day, I did it. Finally.
I started to practice meditation to forgive my father. | Source: Pexel
“I’ve held this anger for so many years… And I’ve tried different things to get rid of it. But now I understand… I was wrong.” I stood up and took him by the hand. “Let’s go home, dad. We have a lot to talk about…”
“Thank you, son. I love you! I’ve always loved you!”
“You’ll be a grandfather!”
“Wait, what? Is Julie pregnant?!”
My dad would soon become a grandfather. | Source: Unsplash
What can we learn from this story?
- We should always appreciate our parents. We are all humans and we make mistakes. We never know what kind of sacrifices they went through for us.
- Forgiveness can set one free. Nick was holding grudges against his father for so many years and he felt free when he forgave the man.
Share this story with your friends. It might brighten their day and inspire good deeds.
If you enjoyed this story, you might like this one about a man who forced her stepdaughter to become a golddigger.
This account is inspired by our reader’s story but written by a professional writer. All names have been changed to protect identities and ensure privacy. Share your story with us; maybe it will change someone’s life.
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