According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
53-Year-Old Woman Gives Birth to Twins, Son-In-Law Notices Familiar Birthmarks on Them
When 53-year-old Barbara saw the two lines appear on the pregnancy test, she was in complete disbelief.
Becoming a mother is a precious experience, but at her age—and already a mother and grandmother—it was the last thing she expected. The news was overwhelming. She wasn’t just anxious about her daughter’s reaction but deeply concerned about how she would raise children again, this time on her own.
Realizing she couldn’t keep the pregnancy a secret for long, Barbara decided to call her daughter, Melanie, and reveal everything.
Melanie knew her mother had been dating someone named Jackson, an old classmate from high school and college whom she’d reconnected with on Facebook. But she hadn’t taken the relationship seriously—until she saw her mother’s message and the ultrasound scan. The pregnancy was very real.
“Don’t worry, Mom,” Melanie told her gently. “If this is part of God’s plan, then He’ll also give you the strength to handle it. I’m here for you.”
Barbara was deeply moved by her daughter’s compassion. “But sweetie, don’t you want to know more…” she started.
Barbara hesitated. “I’m afraid people like Josh and others will judge me for being pregnant at my age. What will society think of the babies?”
“Who cares what people think?” Melanie replied. “You know how people are—they gossip today and forget tomorrow. And Josh? He’s understanding. Let me talk to him.”
True to her word, Melanie stood by her mother, visiting often and providing support.
Her husband, Josh, was equally kind, even accompanying her to hospital visits to help care for Barbara. But everything changed the day the twins were born.
When the nurse brought the newborns into the room, Melanie and Josh immediately noticed matching birthmarks on the babies’ shoulders. Melanie froze in shock, and Josh looked stunned.
“The birthmarks… No way. Josh, how could you?” Melanie cried out. “Did you cheat on me—with my mother?”
Josh was speechless. The resemblance struck him, too, but he wasn’t the father. “Please, Melanie, it’s not what you think…”
Barbara, just waking from delivery, noticed her daughter’s distress. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
“How can I stay calm?” Melanie sobbed. “I stood by you this whole time, Mom! I thought Josh might be hesitant, but he supported you, and now I wonder if it was because he’s the father. You even tried to tell me something during that call, but I didn’t let you finish. I can’t believe this—I’m done with Josh. I want a divorce!”
Seeing her daughter so hurt, Barbara reached for her hand. “Melanie, Josh, come here. There’s something important I need to explain…”
Barbara revealed the truth: the father of the twins wasn’t Josh, but his father, Andrew Wilson. Months earlier, during a family gathering at Andrew’s ranch, Barbara and Andrew had shared drinks and ended up sharing a night that neither of them could have predicted.
“I should’ve been honest sooner. I’m sorry,” Barbara said tearfully.
Once Melanie heard the whole story, she realized she had misjudged the situation and apologized to both her mother and her husband.
Barbara decided to call Andrew and share the truth. Though shocked at first, he took responsibility and visited her in the hospital later that day, with flowers and a heartfelt proposal. To everyone’s surprise, Barbara accepted.
A few months later, Barbara and Andrew were married in a small, intimate church ceremony, surrounded by family. Today, they live together as a loving, blended family—proof that life can still surprise us, even in the most unexpected ways.
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