According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
New 1075
I Accidentally Overheard My Husband Talking about Me to His Family & I Still Can’t Digest It
A trip that was meant to be an opportunity to build a relationship with her in-laws turned into a crushing realization of feeling unwelcome in her husband’s family during their annual vacation
The early stages of marriage can be a transition, especially when trying to fit into your spouse’s family. This woman was still trying to navigate her place in her husband’s family, but in the end, she was heartbroken and felt even more displaced.
The woman took to Reddit to share how it all unfolded. She explained that she and her husband had not been married long, so she had not spent much time with his family. However, her in-laws had an annual family vacation, and this year she asked her husband if she could join.
The husband was hesitant, but his wife argued it would be a great opportunity for her to get to know them better and for them to work toward building a relationship. Consequently, the husband agreed. Upon their arrival, she realized the family was a bit surprised to see her but still welcomed her.
Things were going well, but the truth came out on the third day of the vacation. The husband, along with his brother, mother, father, and other spouses, were sitting outside while the Redditor was inside preparing a fruit salad.
As she walked toward the door, she heard her mother-in-law say, “Did she really have nowhere else to spend the weekend?” At first, the wife did not know who she was referring to, so she stopped to listen further and heard her husband say, “I know!!! And I didn’t want to bring her with me, but what was I supposed to do?!!! You know how pushy she can get.” She instantly figured it was about her.
The statement shattered her heart, and she almost dropped the bowl of salad she was holding. “This whole time I was there, I cleaned, cooked, looked after the kids, and this is how they think of me? An inconvenience to them?” she expressed.
The original poster (OP) could not see herself spending another day with the family, especially after discovering her presence was unwanted. So, she quickly booked the next flight out. Her husband texted but did not respond; she simply told him she had made it home safely.
When he got home, he was extremely angry at his wife and told her she was “disrespectful and juvenile.” The OP told him that she had overheard what he said to his mother, but he still blamed her for eavesdropping and said his family was slowly warming up to her.
In the end, the wife started feeling bad, thinking she might have ruined the vacation for everyone. Thus, she turned to fellow Reddit users and asked if she was right to leave the family vacation after she heard what her husband said about her.
Contrarily, the OP’s story had many commenters riled up. Readers believed the OP was right to leave because she overheard her mother-in-law speaking ill of her, and her husband did not defend her, which was a big red flag to many readers.
Another commenter simply asked, “Does he even like you?” while another added, “NTA. Please don’t let him gaslight you.” Another reader was shocked that the OP was being treated in this manner when she was a wife, not a girlfriend her husband had been dating for two weeks.
One reader shared that she had experienced a similar situation with her ex-husband. She said he used to go on vacation with another family, and when she asked to join, her husband told her it was “only family.” The woman realized her husband never considered her family, so she spent that week with her friends and when he returned from his vacation, she served him with divorce papers.
What was even more shocking to Redditors was that all the other spouses were allowed on the family vacation except for her. “NTA. Other spouses are welcome but not you? What on earth is going on here??” pointed out a commenter.
Here is a story about a woman who could not believe what her fiancé said to his friends after her grandmother’s death.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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